


Consistency

by Niall_Princess_Horan



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Niall, Confused Niall, Dom Harry, Dom Liam Payne, Dom Louis, Dom Zayn, Dom/sub, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other kinks, Sad, Sad Niall, Smut, Sub Niall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-06-17 05:33:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15454419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niall_Princess_Horan/pseuds/Niall_Princess_Horan
Summary: PROMPT:Larry and Ziam are couples, but none like to sub and they all want more dominance.Cue NiallSoon becomes apparent it is still the couple plus niall. He is not part of either relationship outside of the bedroom, causing a distant, tired and emotionless Niall.OrOne splits him.One hits him.One gets arrested.One looks after him.And Niall? He's just trying to stay a float.*It is ALL consensual. Niall just doesn't enjoy it as much as in the beginning.*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DuckieLuver07](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DuckieLuver07/gifts).



> Sooooo this will have multiple chapters.
> 
> Let me know what you think!!
> 
>  
> 
> DuckieLuver07 this is for you!! (I haven't approved the original comment as I want to put a little twist on it.) P.s. the prompt isn't stupid!!

Louis pov

"I'm telling you Lou, it's like he doesn't know me at all" Liam mutters before stomping his cigarette out on the ground and leaning against the wall with a sigh. I feel for him. I really do. Heck, I'm in the same boat with Harry! But it's not a simple issue that has a simple solution. It's a complex issue with no plausible solution if we want to keep our jobs and stay on tour.

"I feel you man" I sigh and die my own cigarette end out by scraping it against the wall. Liam pulls himself up so he's sat on the wall and I join him for a heart to heart. Okay, it's a rant.

"I'm not saying it's bad" he starts and I agree with him.  
"Never said you were"  
"But sometimes I want more" he continues and I once again agree.  
"Understandable"  
"-Not so clean cut-"  
"-A bit rough and dirty-"  
"-Exactly!" He exclaims and throws his hands up in the air like he gives up.

"So what exactly did he say?" I frown. Liam is hard to follow when he's on a rant. He's one of the most lovely guys I've ever met. But once he starts ranting, you have no chance of getting him to make sense. Which makes being his best friend, really difficult. I'm supposed to help him and give him advice but I can't follow what he's saying half of the time to KNOW what the actual problem to hand is. It's hard advising someone one something you know nothing about.

"It's more what he didn't say. I mentioned wanting it rougher and a bit more, kinky? And he shrugged saying he's not getting tied to the bed like some dog"

"Did you mention tying him up?"

"Well. No. But I'm not against that either. I want to dominate someone. Like. Properly. He just won't even entertain the idea"

"Maybe it's because you love zayn and he loves you. He wants it sweet not dirty"  
"What are you saying?"

"Maybe consider getting a third person in the bedroom. It doesn't have to be for anything other than to assert dominance and you, zayn and newbie could set, like ground rules, of what is and isn't cheating" I shrug before sparking up another cigarette. I'm so stressed today it's unreal.

"And you think he'd go for that?" He scoffs.  
"It's the only way you're tying anyone to a bed" I say bluntly before walking off. He's annoying me now. I'm trying to help him, despite having my own problems, and he's just an ungrateful, spoilt, fucking bratt.

 

I end up finding zayn. Unintentionally. I end up bumping into him and I can't just be like 'I don't know you' or 'I don't want to talk to you'. That would just raise a lot of questions.

"Hey Tommo. You seen Liam?"  
"Smokers wall" I half grin. He claps me on the back as a thank you before heading over there.

I head back into my hotel room to see Harry coming out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist and another around his head for his hair.

"Hey Haz"  
"You okay Lou? You seem sad" he mumbles, pressing soft little kisses to the side of my neck.  
"Can we talk? Like, it's nothing bad" my mouth says before my brain can catch up.  
"Yeah. Sure. One sec" he mumbles and goes over to his suitcase. He grabs some joggers, boxers and a shirt before quickly pulling them on. He then lays the towel over the radiator to dry, leaving the other one around his head.

He then grabs my hand lightly and pulls me so we're both sitting on the bed, backs to the headboard and he pulls my legs over his, resting his hand on my thigh and rubbing soothing circles.

"Ready when you are" he smiles softly. God I love him. God he's such a little peanut.  
"I love our relationship. And I love our sex" I start by saying. The last thing I want is for him to think I'm unsatisfied, because I'm not. Our sex is epic. Our relationship is beautiful and natural and I've literally never been happier.

"But there's something missing" he supplies.  
"I think so. I know we sort of spoke before about wanting to both be more dominant. And well- we didn't really get anywhere."

"Can't do the whole sub-dom thing without a sub" he laughs but it's true. We're both too dominant to submit. Essentially we're both missing out but- I know we both want more.

"Exactly!" I laugh. We're in the same boat.

That's a good thing.

"Could just get someone else in. I mean, if you're cool with that. I know you love what we have and so do I. But if we both want this, what's the problem? If it doesn't work, we stop. And we can set like rules of what is and isn't allowed" he says simply and I've never loved this boy more than I do right now. He literally couldn't be more perfect if he tried.

"Hey that was my idea" I whine and he laughs, kissing the side of my head.  
"Great minds think a-like"  
"They do. And we are pretty great" I grin.  
"Of course we are" he says jokingly, but I know he means it.

"Guys! We're leaving!" Niall hollers from the hallway as he bangs on the door.  
"Nooooo" I complain. I love the fans and I love performing and I love music obviously. But I'm tired.

"C'mon Lou. S'not that bad" he laughs as he lets himself in to our room with the spare key. I'm gonna kill Paul for giving him that key.

"What if we'd been fucking?" I mutter to him with a raised eyebrow and he just laughs louder.  
"I'd have heard you from the hallway"  
"Rude" Harry smirks.  
"True" Niall counters.

"You've got no room to talk! Even when you wank it's like you have a microphone next to your gob. Can hear everything you do." I laugh and his smile drops a little. Not enough to notice if you don't know Niall. But I do know him, so I notice immediately.

"Ah well. See you at the bus lads" he shrugs and heads towards the door.  
"Nialler! Can you pass me my shoes?" I whine and he laughs but complies. That's the smile I wanted.

He brings the shoes over and sits them on the edge if the bed. Before turning to leave once again.  
"Stay" I say in a joking commanding tone. As though talking to a dog but with a smile so he knows I'm kidding. Yeah Louis. You're totally kidding. To my suprise Niall does stay. He turns around with a raise eye brow but plonks himself down on the bed next to Harry who's still not made any attempt to move.  
I shuffle down so I'm sat on the edge also, and pull the shoes on one by one.

"Awe my little baby" Harry grins as he pulls niall into him so he can cuddle him. I glance at Harry curiously. What's he playing at? I'm not jealous, I just know he's up to something and I'm dying to know what it is.

Harry raises his eye brow at me and flicks his eyes down to Niall with a smirk. Oh my god. Tell me he isn't thinking what I think he's thinking. Is he serious!? We can't dominate Niall! My eyes go involuntarily wide, as if to ask if he's serious. He smirks again. Shit. He is. Harry then rolls his eyes at me and motions to Niall, who's snug in Harry's arms, head on his chest and arm over his waist, and I frown. What's he motioning to. Other than a cuddly Niall. There's nothing new there.

"Baby? Why don't you give Lou a cuddle too" Harry coos at Niall. My frown deepens. Why is he calling Niall baby? Why is Niall complying with this and not questioning anything!?

Niall kneels up and scoots over to me to give me a cuddle, resting his neck in the crook of my neck. I wrap one arm around his waist and another around his head to play with his hair whilst I figure out what Harry is up to. Niall giggles softly into my neck before mumble about needing to go.

"In a minute baby. You can go when I tell you to" Harry hums. He finally gets out of bed and pulls some socks and shoes on before glancing back at me.

"Nialler?" Harry questions and Nialls head shoots up.  
"Why don't you go to the bathroom before we go. It's a long drive babe" Harry suggests but it's more of an order than a question.  
"Y-yeah. Kay" he whispers and stands up to head over.

"What are you doing!" I hiss at Harry. I glance at Niall who is only half way to the bathroom and Harry puts his fingers to his lips to motion for me to be quiet.  
"Niall? Turn around for me babe" Harry smirks and Niall hesitates. He turns his head but not his body.

"I'm- I need the loo" he mutters and keeps walking.  
"In a minute. Turn around. Please" Harry orders and Niall turns around with a bright red face. Harry's eyes widen and his smirk grows, not that I thought that was possible.

"Can I-?" Niall motions to the bathroom and Harry crosses his arms over his chest. Niall drops his head and the question. Continuing to stand there. I glance Niall over to see what Harry is up to when I notice. Oh. That's interesting.

"Louis is a bit confused why I asked you to stand there. Why don't you tell him?"  
Niall shakes his head.  
"Baby. That's not what good boys do is it? Good boys listen." Harry challenges and Niall whispers softly.

" 'M 'ard" he mutters. Face bright red but he looks so fucked.  
"Are you hard for us baby?" Harry goads him as he walks towards niall and squeezes his crotch through his jeans. Niall moans. Loud and broken before dropping his head so his forehead is resting against Harry's shoulder.

"L-let go haz"  
"Why's that babe?"  
"G-gonna cum" he pants.  
"Shit. Seriously?" I half laugh. Harry hasn't even done anything yet and nialls pretty much nutting in his pants. That's funny. Niall frowns up at me and I can see the hesitation and doubt in his eyes. He thinks he's done something wrong.

"S-sorry. It's -um- been a while- and-"  
"- No need to explain. Lou is just shocked we could have such an effect on you so quickly" Harry reassures him. God bless Harry and his gift of the gab. I.e. he's great at talking his way out of anything.

"S-so I'm not in trouble?"  
"No babe. We can talk about this properly later" Harry says before rubbing Nialls crotch a little more.  
"I want you to cum in your jeans for me. Then go to the bus like a good boy."

 

"Um. Without- um- cleaning up?"  
"Did I mention cleaning up?" Harry challenges and Niall shakes his head.  
"S-sorry"  
"It's okay babe. We can talk about this properly later" is all Harry says about it and we all know that's the end of the conversation.

Harry rubs Niall a little harder through his jeans  and Niall whimpers from the touch. It makes me laugh quietly from where I am. I don't want him to be embarrassed but he's got no stamina what so ever. 

"Gonna- um" he mutters.  
"Hold it. Louis? Why don't you finish him" hate smirks and when I glance over, the desperate look on Nialls face nearly makes me finish in my jeans. Okay not quite but it gets me half hard.

"I'm not touching him" I mutter and look at the floor so I don't have to face Nialls sad frowny face. I don't want to touch him. I don't want to get him off. He's Niall! But aside from the fact he's like my baby brother, we haven't even discussed anything with him. He might not know what he's getting into because let's face it, Nialls not exactly experienced when it comes to sex. The boy still sleeps with a fucking night light.

"Louis- he's- he's Niall" Harry mutters and I can hear the frown in his voice.  
"Exactly! He's practically my little brother. But, we haven't talked about this. How do you know it's what he wants?" I snap.

"He's hard isn't he" Harry scoffs.  
"Because you rubbed his cock. You can't tell me there hasn't a time you got hard when you weren't turned on" I counter and realisation washes over Harry's face.

"I wanted it" niall whispers.  
"What do you mean?" I frown.  
"I- I know we need to talk proper. But, right now I wanted it. If I didn't, is have asked you to stop"  
"Honestly?" I ask firmly.

He doesn't answer.

"Ni? I want this. I want you like that. Okay? I'm not- I'm not saying it's set in stone, we need to discuss this properly. I don't want you to think I'm not interested in you and doing this" I tell him softly and he lifts his head softly, offering me a fluffy smile.

"Kay Lou. M- m gonna finish in the loo. Won't be long" Niall smiles and I nod my head at him, sort of giving him permission even though he didn't really ask.

"Wouldn't it have been better if you'd have played along?" Harry mutters.  
"Wouldn't it have been betteri if you and I had talked about this first?" I counter.

I then leave the room and head down to the bus.

 

_____

 

The show goes well. As well as can be expected considering Liam is mad at Zayn. Zayn is mad at Liam. I'm mad at Harry. Harry is mad at me. Liam is annoyed I didn't help him. I'm annoyed Liam didn't listen to me.

Niall is tired from his wanking session and we keep having technical difficulties.

So yeah. Great show.

 

Niall pov

"You don't have to" Harry concludes by saying.

"No, I- I want to. I'm just- Lou doesn't seen keen on the idea" I sigh.  
"I am. Like I said. I was annoyed Harry didn't speak to you about it first. Heck he didn't even speak to me about it" he explains and I can feel him glare at Harry.

This isn't what I wanted. I don't want them to argue and fall out. What if it causes problems between those two. Or the whole band!?

"We want this if you do" Louis tells me with a smile.  
"I do. I'm just- nervous. I guess" I sigh with a shrug. I'm not that experienced anyway and I don't want to make a tit of myself and highlight how little I know about sex and all this sub-dom stuff they keep mentioning.

"Why babe?" Harry asks him softly.

"You know why. I've had sex twice in my whole life. I've been given 1 blow job and that's it. That is the extent of my knowledge. I don't know about all this sub stuff. And I just- I know you guys know a lot more than me and can do a lot more than me. I'm embarrassed." I rant a little. Harry rubs my back soothingly and it does calm me down a little in all fairness.

"We can explain it all to you. Not in a patronising way. But we can, ease you into the sex stuff with a little sub play and increase when you're more confident."

"That sounds good. I'd like that. Do we need like a code word or somethin'?" I frown.

"Yeah. Yeah we can do. So, what about colours? Green is good. Orange is slow down or take a break and red is stop" Harry offers. He's done his research. It shows. But it's also appreciated.

"That sounds good. And you'll stop? If- if I say red?"  
"Straight away. Everything stops. We make sure you're okay but won't do anything else sexual at least that day." Harry says firmly.

"Okay. Okay yeah"

"What are you comfortable with and what aren't you comfortable with?" Louis joins in. He's making a list on his phone.

"Haven't really tried much to be honest. I'll tray anything once and if I don't like it, we don't do it?" I suggest. I'm not going to know if I like it or not until I try it. We can go from there.

"Seems reasonable" Louis mutters and makes notes.  
"Anything you don't want to try?" Harry adds.  
"Like, hitting and stuff like that" I mutter.

"Okay, no spanking. I'm gonna read this out and you tell me yes or no to trying it. Okay?" Louis mutters and I nod my head agreeingly.

"Spanking?"  
"No"  
"Being tied up?"  
"Yes"  
"Baby/ daddy kinks"  
"Yes"  
"Hand jobs. Blow jobs. Anal?"  
"Yeah for all"  
"Humiliation?"  
"Um- maybe" I stutter. I don't really want to be humiliated. I'm a bit soft so I take what people say about me and to me to heart. I know they won't mean whatever they say, but I'll still worry they do.

"Handcuffs and or blindfolds?"  
"Yeah"  
"Double penetration?"  
"No" I say firmly. Absolutely not.

 

"Okay. That's if for now babe" Harry grins.  
"What about you guys? Is there anything you don't want to do or don't want me to do?"

They glance at eachother and have a conversation with their eye brows. I have no idea what they're saying. But they know.  
   
"You aren't; topping either of us or to have any form of sex with anyone else." Louis says to pointedly.

"That may be a problem. I've already been asked to be a sub for someone else" I whisper.  
"Who?" Harry snaps.  
"I can't tell you" I mumble.  
"Liam and Zayn isn't it" Louis demands and my eyes go involuntarily wide. How did he know!?

"Liam spoke to me earlier about it. Not about you though. Okay, you can sub for them and have sex with those two. But that's it" Louis warns and I nod my head.

"You listen to everything we say. Even if we aren't in the bedroom, if we give you an order, you follow it" Harry smirks and I nod once again.  
"No lies. You aren't allowed to lie to us, or keep anything secret from us" Louis adds.

"I think we should discuss this with Liam and Zayn. Make sure we're all on the same page." Harry counters.

 

______

 

"I want to be Sir" Zayn chips in.  
"Daddy" is all Liam says with a smug grin.

"Prince will do for me. After all, I am royalty" Harry beams.  
"Master Louis to you babe" Louis winks.

I nod obediently.

"So, when you're submitting, you call us by these names only" Zayn tells me and I once again nod.  
"Any other name will get you punished." Liam adds and I frown.  
"Not hitting. He said no spanking or choking" Harry says firmly. Not leaving it up for debate. Which I'm greatful for.

"You will be baby. So if any of us call you baby, at any point. You're in sub mode" Louis tells me.

"Okay"

"Now. Do we need a routine? Like, who has him when?" Liam asks. I feel a little bit like a male prostitute. That isn't getting paid. They're casually discussing who can have me on which days and for how long. Whilst I'm sat here. But no one's asked me my opinion. It's like I'm just here to be used when they want me. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

"Okay. Harry gets you to himself Monday's. Zayn is Tuesdays. Louis is Wednesday's. Liam is Thursdays. Liam and Zayn are Fridays. Harry and Louis are Saturdays. Sunday is your day off. On solo days, if the guy wants to share you, he can"  Zayn tells me and, you guessed it. I nod.

"Am- am I supposed to finish each time?" I whisper.  
"Yes. Unless we tell you not to cum. We could delay it too. Make you hold it until we say you can finish" Liam mutters.

"I'm not sure I can cum that much" I mutter but no one listens. What kind of normal person can ejaculate 6 times a week?! What the fuck are they on!?

"Niall? If you can't finish that's okay babe. We know you're not very experienced and so your stamina won't be great. We can build it up slowly" harru assures me as he rubs little circles into my back.

"O-okay. Yeah."

"Good. Well, today is Wednesday so you're all mine. Harry? Think you should join us babe" Louis smirks and drags my arm to get me out of the chair and over to their room.

 

I take a deep breath and allow myself to be pulled into their crazy world of fantasies.

 

 

I'm just praying I don't regret it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay another chapter !!

Niall pov

"Baby. Take your shirt off." Harry whispers in my ear from behind me. He's running his fingers lightly over my side's and pressing his crotch into my bum. I shiver lightly as he licks over the shell of my ear and nibbles gently. My shiver turns into a soft whine and I bite my lips hard together to keep from being too loud too quick. I know I'm loud. I know it turns some people off. I just can't help it. It feels so good when people touch me, I just want to moan loudly and tell them it's amazing.

"Is he moaning already?" I hear Louis mutter to harry and I can feel the eye roll. Harry sshhh's him quietly. I frown but don't say anything. I don't think I was supposed to hear that.

I take my shirt off and chuck it on the chair in the corner of the room before holting. Waiting for my next order.  
"Now your jeans" Harry smiles into my neck before placing small biting kisses.

I comply and when I throw them on the chair where my shirt was previously launched, I see Louis sat on another chair with a calculated look on his face. Like he's deciding whether I'm good enough or not. He looks pissed off.

"He's not mad baby. He just wants to watch you. See how you react to what I do to you. How good of a baby boy you can be. See how hard I can make you with out even touching you. See how good you are for us. Are you getting hard for us baby?" Harry whispers in my ear.

He holds my head firmly the whole time so I'm looking Louis in the eye. His eyes rake over my body and he licks his lips gently before spreading his legs a bit wider. He's half hard. I can see the out line of his cock through his jeans. I want to suck him off. I've never sucked a cock before. The thought never appealed to me. The bitterness. The lack of air. The claustrophobia that must come with the inevitable panic from lack of control as the cock is thrust down your throat. But right now I want nothing more than to get on my knees and taste him. Taste the manliness and sweetness. Taste the blessed seed of his cock and suck it so hard until he's cumming down my throat, with a hand firmly in my hair and his hips thrusting into my face. I want him. I want the ache in my jaw from taking him so long. I want the rasp in my throat from not being able to swallow to keep hydrated. I want the ache in my knees from begging him. I want him.

"Give him a little show baby. Turn around for him" Harry instructs. He likes the dirty talk. That much is evident. But he's also really good at it and it's taking everything in me not to cum this moment from all of the sinful things he's saying.

I spin a little for him and Harry motions for me to stop once I'm facing him, with my back to Louis.

"Now your boxers" Harry says sluttily and it gets me the rest of the way hard. He walks me backwards slightly and I'm confused at first. Until I'm bent over pulling my boxers off and I feel a hand ghost over my arse and a finger run up the crack between.

"Uh" I moan softly.  
"You like that baby? You like being touched there?" Louis asks quietly and I nod. He mutters 'interesting' but makes no attempt to touch me there further and removes his hand completely.

"Bend over for him" Harry orders and I frown a little but do as he asks. I fold so I'm pretty much in half, with my arse on full display for Louis and I rest my elbows on my knee caps for balance.

"You like this baby?"  
I nod.

"I asked if you liked that baby. New rule. Unless stated otherwise, you will answer verbally when asked a question" Harry warns and I nod and apologise.

"S-sorry Prince"  
"Good baby. Now, what do you like about this?"  
"Like, um- being on show for Lo- Master"  
"He likes it too baby. Now get on the bed. Finger yourself" Louis smirks and I frown but make my way over to the bed.

I sit on the bed and glance over to see if they're  watching me. They aren't. They're making out on the chair Louis is sat in. Harry straddling his waist and they're thrusting into each other softly whilst they both battle for dominance.

I grab the lube from the bedside draw and pop the cap before drizzling a little across my fingers.  
I position the first one at my entrance and press in firmly but gently. I've never done this before and I don't want it to hurt. I also don't want to do it wrong.

I move the first two fingers around inside me before deciding that's good enough. When I look up its to Harry and Louis staring at me with almost an animalist look on their faces. They look possessed. They look in awe. They look fucked.

"Good boy. Did you enjoy touching yourself for us?"  
"Y-yeah" I lie. I didn't enjoy it. I don't think I'm open enough anyway but it hurt.  
"New rule baby. You're not allowed to touch yourself at all unless we say so. Aside from if Liam or Zayn say you can"

"I'm not allowed to wank?" I frown. I didn't sign up for that.  
"Nope. And if you do you'll be punished. Not spanking though baby."

"Are you ready for me to fuck you baby?" Harry whispers as he crawls up the bed slowly and I nod my head enthusiastically. That parts always fun. Right? He laughs and Louis scoffs. I frown once again.

"Do I need to check you're ready for me? Or have you been a good boy and followed my instructions properly?"

"Good boy" I whisper. I hope he doesn't check. I don't think I am ready for him. But if anything else goes in there, I'm gonna cum. I'd quite like to finish from a dick inside me and keep some dignity. Plus, I don't want him (or Louis) to get mad if I finish too early.

"Think you should check haz" Louis smirks and my eyes drop to my knees. I can't lie to someone whilst looking them dead in the eye. But I know Louis knows I'm not ready. And now, so does Harry.

"Awe babe. Does that mean you lied to me?" Harry sighs. He sounds dissappointed. Which makes me want to cry. I hate dissapointing people. I want them to always be proud of me and what I've done. Not dissappointed in me because I could have done better.

I nod my head. Too ashamed to speak.

"Why did you lie?" He asks me bluntly.  
"W-want you in me quicker" I whisper. It's not a lie. It's just not to whole truth.  
"Why's that?" Louis smirks. He knows. He knows I'm so close to cumming.

"I'm gonna cum" I sigh.  
"If I put my fingers in you?" Harry smirks and I close my eyes so I don't have to see his face as well as hear the sultry words he's speaking. My orgasm is literally teetering on the edge. All my dignity is now gone and I want to cry. But I nod in reply.

"But I need to check baby. Can you imagine me hurting you the first time? That wouldn't help you trusting me to take care of you, would it?"

"I'm so close though harry-"

"-That's strike two. First you lie to me and now you don't even know my name. You'll cum today because you're so close. But. Your punishment is to not cum, for the next three days. Regardless of what any of us do to you" Harry warns and my face blushes bright red but my heart drops into my stomache. Does he not know how hard this is?! Literally and figuratively. It's hard keeping back an orgasm for so long you know. Especially since my stamina is shit and I've never bottomed before.

"Don't worry. We'll inform Liam and Zayn" Louis supplies and in all fairness, it helps my orgasm a little as my cock does go down a little in firmness.

"Now, do you need opening up more?" Harry asks pointedly.  
"I think so" I whisper.  
"You think? How can you not know?" Louis scoffs.

"I've never bottomed 'fore" I mumble. They'll find out eventually. And I've already got two fucking strikes in the space of 10 minutes. I'm not risking getting another.

"Seriously?!" Harry mutters.  
"And you didn't think to tell us?!" Louis shrieks.  
"I'm telling you now" I shrug. What's the big deal?  
"Have you ever been with a man before?" Harry demands and I nod my head.  
"Who?" Louis adds.  
"J-josh"  
"And you topped him?" Louis cackles. I don't know what's so funny.

"Oh babe. That's great. You actually tried topping. Did you last long?" Louis laughs and I'm a little offended at how funny he finds this.

"Define long"  
"How long did you last?" He laughs.  
"Dunno. Few minutes. I guess" I shrug. It wasn't a few minutes. It was a minute at most.

"That's pretty funny babe-"  
"- But we'll work on your stamina-"  
Harry butts in and then adds "now, open your legs for me. I need to make sure you're ready for my cock"

I open my legs a little more for him and he slicks his fingers up with a little lube before pushing two into me at once. I groan from both pain and pleasure and clench my arse involuntarily.  
"Don't clench" Harry orders and that's easier said than done. He wastes no time pumping his fingers inside me and stretches them to help me adjust quicker. It hurts. It hurts but it's not bad. Just uncomfortable.

I moan when he rubs against a little nub inside of me that makes my tummy tingle, my body jolt and my orgasm approach a lot quicker.

"Found it" Harry murmers. He goes up to three fingers but avoids my nub until he pulls out and lines his cock up against me.

"Lou? Want him to blow you?"  
"No. I'm fine here"  
"You sure babe?"  
"Yeah. I'm enjoying the view"

Harry presses into me and keeps going until I feel his balls slap against my arse cheeks. The pain is insane. I cannot describe how painful it is having a dick up my arse. It's unnatural. Harry isn't exactly small anyway but oh my fucking god.

He begins thrusting into me and it takes everything in me not to shout or cry or tell him ow. I don't. Because I want to be a good boy for him. I want him to tell everyone I was the best boy. And tell me I was so good for him. So loyal and compliant and tight. So talented and beautiful.

I stay quiet for as long as possible before moaning as he presses into me. His cock rubs up against my little nub and I groan. I'm so close.  
"Close" I moan.  
"Cum then baby" Harry tells me and I finish with a grunt of appreciation before collapsing backwards onto the bed.

Harry keeps thrusting into me, hard, fast and with no rythum what so ever. It hurts a little but  I know he's chasing his own orgasm, so I leave him to it. My own body rocking slightly from the force of his thrusts and before long he's releasing inside of me and collapsing on top of me with a grunt.

Harry doesn't rest long before he's over at Louis side and waking Louis off hard and fast until Louis releases also.  
"Go back to your bunk Niall. Don't clean up" Harry tells me as he helps Louis out of the chair and leads him over to the bathroom.

"Oh. Y-yeah sure" I sort of forgot this was just a sex thing. Not a relationship thing.

I leave the room with a little limp and Harry's cum dripping from my bum. Although to be fair, it is drying a little. Not as moist. Ugh. I hate that word.

I grab my clothes on my way out and just leave naked. I'm tired and dirty and can't be bothered covering myself. Everone has seen it all before anyway. And if they haven't, they will have by the end of the week.  
"Looking good nialler" Liamm hollers and I just wave to him that I've heard him. I don't turn around though.

"Who's spunk is it?" Zayn asks and I can hear the smirk in his voice.  
"Harry's" I mutter before collapsing on my bed with a groan as pain shoots up my arse and up back.

I let sleep take me.

_____

 

The next week is long.

It's like trying to get into a new routine all over again.

Monday I was woken up at 7:30 by Harry asking me to suck Louis off. I did. We went and did 3 interviews, rehearsals, a show and then I blew Harry and Louis before collapsing on the couch. Not even making it to my bed.

Tuesday I woke up and didn't get any breakfast as Zayn wanted to fuck me whilst Liam fucked my mouth. We then had 5 interviews, a mini performance, rehearsals, a show and a de-briefing before Liam blindfolded me and had the all other boys give me a pap dance on the couch. I then blew them all. One after the other.

Wednesday was when Louis decided to test my stamina by making me cum three times in a row before even fucking me. He then fucked me and I cried from over stimulation. It was weird. It felt so good but so painful and my body was so tired the only thing I could do was cry into the pillow as he released inside of me. He then cuddled me into his chest and wiped my tears to make sure I was okay.

It was an emotional experience I must say.

We then had three interviews, rehearsals, another two interviews and a show. I ended up collapsing from exhaustion on the couch backstage after the show. I found out, when I woke up in my bunk the next morning, Harry carried me to the bus.

Thursday. Well. Liam had me to himself on Thursday. He wouldn't share me. Which I was sort of greatful for. I assumed one person as opposed to two, meant half of the work. Oh no. Liam fucked me. Then ate me out. We then had two interviews and he got me to blow him in the bathroom before the third. So my knees were sore and bruised from tiled floor. He then put a butt plug inside me for rehearsals. I came in my jeans. I was mortified and embarrassed and I cried. The other found it hilarious but I was heartbroken. Aside from the obvious, I said I wasn't sure about a humiliation kink. We then had a show. After the show he got me to cum in my jeans for him. He wanted me to cum twice. I couldn't. I came once, cried from emotional exhaustion and the need to be looked after? Which Harry told me would mean my body is adapting to sub life. He tried getting me to cum again but I was so done I called out 'red'. He did stop but I could tell he was pissed off. He didn't even clean me up. Just left me on the couch in the TV Room covered in my cum, his cum and sweat. I cried with relief when Louis and Harry came in three hours later wanting to watch a movie. They helped clean me up, got me some meds, let me have a cry and supported my emotional irrational side and tucked me into my bunk after making me a hot chocolate.

Friday was hell. Liam and Zayn shared me. Liam was still pissed about the night before and wouldn't even speak to me. But muttered what he wanted me to do. But everything he said to me had the word 'baby' at the end. And he said it with emphasis. "Suck me off, baby"  "finger yourself, baby"  "be quieter baby". It was emotionally draining. I just wanted to cry. I wanted to cry and have my daddy take care of me. But he wouldn't even look at me. I made the decision there and then to never call red again. No matter how much I needed red. So Friday, Liam fucked me. We had three interviews. Liam fucked me and I sucked zayn off before another three interviews. We then went straight to the show. After the show, I blew Liam and zayn. I didnt finish once that day. Neither of them noticed.

Harry and Louis shared me on Saturday. But I didn't mind. They're lovely to me when they share me. Really tentative and sure it's about the sex, I know that's all it's about, but they look after me at the same time. 2 TV interviews, three radio interviews, rehearsals, a meet and greet and a show later, I head to the bus with Harry whispering dirty talk into my ear about how he wants me spread out for him. I comply. The fore play lasts for 4 hours. Harry cums three times. Louis cums twice. I don't cum. They don't notice. 

 

It's only then I realise, I've not eaten since Thursday. I'll eat tomorrow.

Sunday, I sleep. 24 hours. Before starting it all over again.

 

This continues for five weeks straight.

"Niall seems really shattered lately" I hear Lou hum to Louis.  
"Been getting some lately" Louis chuckles.

"Louis, I've not seen the poor boy eat for days. Every time see him he's either; just woken up, about to fall asleep or asleep."

"That's not true" Louis argues but there's no force behind it. Even now I'm sprawled out on the couch almost asleep. My eyes are shut and I'm slipping in and out of sleep but I want to hear the rest of this conversation.

"I'll talk to the others and we'll make a plan to look after him"

"He looks like he's about to drop from exhaustion"  
"And we'll talk about it" Louis half snaps.  
"Okay" Lou sighs.

 

When I black out once again, I don't know anything anymore. I'm too tired to think. All I do know is, I can never say red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?
> 
> Any opinions on how to improve/ continue?
> 
> Who do you think:
> 
> ● Hits him ?  
> ● Splits him ?  
> ● Gets arrested ?  
> ● Cares for him ?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay!!
> 
> I wanted this to be right and not rushed and I wasn't happy with any of the ways this turned out so I've re-written this 8 times!!
> 
> I'm my own worst enemy I swear.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Feedback is great!!

Niall pov

After the conversation with Lou, Louis comes and talks to me. Or tries.

"You okay nialler?"  
"Yeah? Fine thanks" I half grin as I get changed for the show. I pull my old shirt over my head and spray with deodorant before pulling the clean one on (carefully so I don't crinkle it like last time and have Karen shout at me again for going on stage with a crumpled shirt.)

"You're quiet" he hums as he makes himself a cup of tea from the mini kitchen we have.

"Don't really have anything to say" I half laugh, trying to ease the quizzical look on his face.  
"You know you can talk to me" he says quietly but his eyes never leave mine.  
"I know. I know that Lou, honest, I'm okay"  
"Okay" he whispers. I know he doesn't believe me but he can't prove other wise.

I quickly change my jeans before going and getting my hair done.

 

The show is good. There are no problems and the crowd is amazing and really responsive to the banter, which makes the show more relaxed and the energy more vibrant.

 

After the show, zayn pulls me into his bunk for a quick blow job, with it being Tuesday and all.

"Want you to be quick though yeah? I'm out with Liam tonight"  
"O-okay" I stutter.

He doesn't even pull his jeans or boxers off (or let me pull them off) he just pulls them down to his knees and lays on his back, motioning for me to start.

"Ug-god baby" he groans as I take him halfway down my throat. I'm still not great at deep throating, but I'm getting better. I can tell because the boys don't last as long as they did in the beginning.

I take him a bit further and he thrusts up into my mouth causing me to gag. It's far from pretty and it's far from elegant. Especially considering I'm struggling to breathe, my hair feels like it's being ragged out of my skull and no amount of my pinning Zayns hips down-stops him thrusting into my mouth.

I'm actually relieved when he finishes because he let's go of my hair and I'm able to pull off and get some much needed air. I'm gasping quite heavily and there's saliva dribbled down my chin and all over Zayns crotch- which he of course complains about- making me feel worthless, not good enough and like I've let him down.

"Get me a cloth then. Seriously, I told you I was going out. Couldn't you have been neater?" Zayn complains and then pushes me towards the curtain. I take the hint and go get him a cloth as he removes his jeans and changes them for clean ones.

"I'm s-sorry. I t-tried" I whimper as I hand him the cloth. Tears are gathered in my eyes and I have no idea why I'm crying, but I am. I feel like a failure. Like a disappointment. Like I've let him down. He doesn't say anything, just sighs and cleans himself up.

"Clean this up" he sighs before leaving.  
"Are you-"  
"-I'm going out with Liam. End of discussion" he snaps.

I nod my head and quickly clean up his bed. I move the messy sheet and replace it with a clean one, throwing the dirty one in the laundry. I then make the bed nice and neat before collapsing in my own with a sigh.

 

I'm tired. I'm mentally tired. I'm physically tired. I'm emotionally tired. I'm just tired.

I can't think of what else to do to make the situation better, so I cry once again. I blub into my pillow like a big baby and only come up for air. That's it. Aside from being tear and snot soaked, my pillow smells like Louis and Harry and it's actually quite comforting. I pull my duvet right up and over my shoulders so only my head is peaking out, make sure my night light is turned on and let sleep take over.

 

"Niall?"  
"Niaaaaall."  
"NIALLER!"  
"Baby"  
"Baby. Come and ride daddy"

I groan as my shoulder is shaken roughly. Do they not know what time it Is!? What time is it?

"Time 's'it " I groan but make no effort to move. This is getting ridiculous. First they're keeping me up at night and waking me up early in the morning. But now, they're waking me up in the middle of the night!

"11:51 baby. You're still mine for another 9 minutes."  
" 'M 'leepy " I whine and snuggle into my pillow.  
"I'm horny. Baaaaby" zayn counters and I sigh but sit up slowly.

I wait a moment for my eyes to adjust before climbing out of my warm cocoon blanket and stepping out into the cold air of the bus. There's a window open. I can tell by the breeze. It makes me frown even more. It's bad enough I'm awake at this time without freezing me to death.

I follow zayn and Liam into the TV Room and notice they're both smirking. It sets my nerves on edge.

"What do you um- where do you want me?" I stumble through a yawn.

"Take your shirt off-"  
"-only your shirt-"  
"- and lay on the bed on your back" zayn instructs. I comply. Removing my night shirt slowly and realising, when I throw it on the door in the corner, it's not even my shirt, it's Harry's. I shrug and make my way to the bed and lay down as instructed.

"Hands above your head baby" Liam smiles and I comply with a sigh. God I'm so tired. Zayn turns off the main light but puts a lamp on so it's not dark. Whilst zayn faffs around doing that, Liam ties my hands together with a dressing gown tie and wraps it around the head board so I can't move them. I try anyway and he chuckles when he realises that I'm stuck.

"Remember your colours" zayn reminds me with a small smile and I nod. It was slightly reassuring. And i can't fault him, he's being more comforting than Liam.

"Now baby, think you can suck me off whilst Liam opens you up for us?"  
"No- not both of you- um- together" I frown. That was one of the things I said a firm no to. No double penetration. Although I said I wasn't sure about BDSM and all this and yet, here we are.

"No no no. Course not baby. You said no to that and we respect that" zayn assures me and I nod at him that I'll give him the blow job.

He strips himself of all his clothes and so does Liam before Zayn kneels over my face, resting his bum against my bare chest as he slides into my mouth slowly.

He's about half way down my throat when I feel Liam remover my jeans and boxers. The breeze is even colder on my private parts and it makes me shiver slightly.

When i say it's hard to take an 8 inch penis down your throat whilst being fingered open, believe me, I mean it. I struggle to breath and keep spluttering and gagging as Liam works the first finger inside of me. When he moves up to two, zayn pulls out slightly for my to get used to Liam. I appreciate that. He must sense I'm struggling and is trying to ease my work load.

They swap over for the third finger. Meaning Liam now has his 9 inch penis down my throat and zayn has three fingers inside my ass. Which eases my ass slightly as zayn hands are smaller than liams, but my throat doesn't appreciate the switch. Liam isn't only longer, he's wider. Meaning my throat is working 100 times harder to take him than it was to take zayn. He's also less forgiving and doesn't let up at all from thrusting into my mouth.

"Liam pull out. You ready for me niall?" Zayn says and Liam pulls out with a grumble, joining zayn at the bottom of the bed.

"Y-eah" I croak out and cough to clear my throat.  
"Are you hard for me?" Liam smirks and i nod even though I feel like he's mocking me. I am hard though and I'm not allowed to lie.

"Don't want you finishing too soon" he smirks and grabs my cock. I whine as he runs his hand up and down my length slowly. I thrust up into him and he tuts me before pulling out a small ring. I frown. He slips the ring over my length and tightening around my base.

"Ummm" I whine and he laughs even more.  
"It's a cock ring baby. Stops you making a mess of yourself too soon. Don't want daddy to have to clean you up now, do we?" Liam grins and I bite my bottom lip from how uncomfortable it feels. I shuffle around a little and it only causes him to chuckle a little more.

"Ready for me?" Zayn asks as he positions himself at my hole. I nod and he pushes in slowly. I groan from the feeling of trying to adjust to him and clench a little to help myself adjust quicker.  It works but it also makes zayn closer to his orgasm, meaning as soon as he's all the way in, he pulls all the way out and repeatedly slams into me, chasing his own orgasm.

"Ug. Ugh. Ugh. S-sir. Ugh. Ugh"

I pant and moan as he pounds into me. He hits my prostrate virtually every single time and my whole body is shaking with how close I am but the fact I can't orgasm because of the stupid ring.

"Ugh. Yeah baby. Moan for me. Moan my name" he demands and thrusts harder into me, fully assaulting my prostrate and making me ahead tears of over stimulation and the need to cum but not being able to.

"Ugh- ugh sir. Ugh please. Please. Ah. Ah"  
"Moan for me!" He demands and I comply.  
"Ugh. Ugh! Sir. More. More please more" I whine and I can feel my orgasm at the base of my penis, just unable to sneak past the ring.

"Louder"  
"Ugh. Please!"  
"Louder" zayn snaps.  
"Ugh. Oh my god. Please. Yeah. It's t-too much. Ugh. So good. Ugh. T-there. There. Please" I all but scream and I'm already losing my voice from being so vocal.

"That's it baby. That's it. Moan for sir. Tell you love it. Tell me I give you it good" he snaps and I once again comply. His hands are gripping my  arms and pressing them into the bed, but I can feel them bruising.

"Ug. I L-love it. I love it- S-sir. Please! Please- I- I need to- I need to cum" I plead and I feel zayn release inside me after slamming into me one last time. He does these small little thrusts as he work himself through his orgasm and it makes me need mine all that more.

"S-sir? Please- can- can I cum?" I beg as he pulls out. He just grins lazily at me before collapsing next to me on the bed. I frown and then whimper when I feel Liam playing with zayns leaking cum from my ass. He pushes two fingers inside and slops the cum around inside me, causing me to moan from the pain and pleasure border line that I'm currently at. He smiles before pulling his fingers out and straight away pushing his cock inside me.

"You know colours" is all Liam says as he sets a bone crushing pace of slamming into me.

"Y-ugh. Ugh. Yes daddy" I moan. My cock impossibly harder laying against my stomache, leaking a little but not as much as it would have been without the ring.

"Fuck. So tight. So tight" Liam grunts.

"Um- daddy. Ugh daddy. Ugh. Need to cum. Please let me. Please. Please daddy. Ugh my god-" I ramble as I feel myself sliding into sub space. My brain is going hazy and my eyes are losing focus and the need to be wanted is growing by the second. The desire to be a good boy, the best boy, is overwhelming.

"-shut up! No sounds unless I say so" Liam snaps and thrust into me particularly hard to prove a firmer point to his demand.

"Umm" I whimper under my breath. I know he hears me as he thrusts harder. It's so hard staying quite. I'm an incredibly vocal person anyway, but even more so when I'm going into sub space.

"D-daddy?" I moan and he growls at me but does ask "What?"  
"O-orange" I moan and he groans but does stop, his cock fully inside me.

"What do you need baby?" Zayn asks from the side of me.  
"U- ugh- cum" I whimper.  
"No. That's not happening. Not yet-"

"-Liam-"  
"- No zayn. He hasn't been my good boy yet. Only good boys cum" Liam tells me and I whimper even more through tears. I want to be his good boy! I'm trying. I really am trying so hard.

"What else do you need?" Liam asks me.  
"M- s-sore daddy" I whine.  
"But your ass is so nice. So perfect it deserves to be filled. Don't you think?" He pouts and I feel myself nodding.  
"I'm close yeah? Let daddy cum in you super quick baby. You'll be my good boy yeah?"

"Yeah. Please- please daddy" I whine and move my hips against his to make him move again. He does. His thrusts are quicker but softer and I can tell he was serious about being close. He lasts another minute before releasing his juices inside of me and bites his teeth harshly into my shoulder causing me to moan in more pain than pleasure. It draws blood. I can feel the trickle of it down my shoulder and onto the bed sheet.

"Ugh- daddy!? Daddy -cum? " I beg him. I feel him pull out before he leans over me and sucks the blood up from my shoulder. It feels weird and a little uncomfortable but it gets me impossibly harder. I'm now seeing stars and starting to lose consciousness from over stimulation.

"Let me put this in you baby. Keep all daddy's juices in there. Then you can cum" Liam tells me and it takes all of my strength to force my eyes open to see what he's holding. It's a dildo from what I can make out. I nod sleepily. I need sleep but I need to cum more.

He quickly pushes it inside me and I whimper harshly at the over stimulation of the dildo pressing against my prostrate and making me even harder. Not that that is actually possible. It's larger than Liam. I'd say around 10 inch if not more. It's pure pain but it presses so firmly into my jelly spot I can't think about the pain.

"Cum. Gonna. Cum. Daddy. Ugh please" I ramble and he kisses my cheek softly. I feel him hook something around my neck and when I open my eyes to see what it is, I notice a rope. It's connected to the end of the dildo and tied around the back of my neck. I don't get it.

"I tighten this. It stops you pushing the dildo out without daddy's say so" Liam tells me and tightens the straps. When I clench and try to push it out, the rope stops it. Meaning it's stuck inside me until they take it out.

"Cum now?" I croak.  
"Can zayn make you feel good with this?  Make you cum for us like this?" Liam asks and presses the dildo inside of me. He wiggles it around in circles and I can feel it sloshing against their cum inside of me. It feels weird. So wet and sloppy. I feel how I imagine a girl would feel.

"Cum" I whine.  
"Okay, you can fun. But, I'm playing with this" zayn warns me and takes the cock ring off of my length. It doesn't even take either of them to touch my cock before I ejaculate all over my own stomache. When I say there's load of it. I mean loads. I know from experience, I've cum three times here, if not more. It's dripping off of me and leaking onto the duvet below me and I can't imagine telling Morgan about this when she does the laundry next. How embarrassing.

"Uhhhh" I moan as my body collapses backwards onto the bed.  
"Call red if you need to. Otherwise, not a sound" Liam mutters before lifting my legs up so my knees are bent. He spreads my legs as far as they'll go and zayn wiggles the dildo a little more before teasing it in and out of me at a slow but pounding speed.

"T-too much" I whine.  
"Orange or red?" Liam asks and I shake my head tiredly.  
"Shut up then" he warns and I bite my lip.

Zayn lays over me but not resting his chest on my chest, using his arm to stop him falling and support himself. He's using the other hand to pump the dildo inside of me firmly.

"Ugh. Ugh. Ugh" I moan softly as it hits my prostrate once again. It's been a solid attack on there tonight.

*Smack*

I feel a hand smack my bum gently enough it doesn't hurt, but hard enough I notice. It causes the dildo to press further inside me and I groan at the feeling of TooMuchTooMuchTooMuch  
"harder Liam" zayn smirks and I shake my head. No! I said no to spanking! I'm sure I did. Didn't I?

I feel myself blacking out. Whether it's from going too far into sub space or being black out tired, I don't know.

*Smack*  
*Pound*  
*Smack*  
*Pound*  
*Smack*  
*Pound  
*Smack*

They alternate between me being smacked and me being pounded into with the dildo. Each one getting harder and harder each time.

"Wee" I groan.  
"Piss yourself for me baby. Daddy's messy boy" Liam tells me and he presses down on my stomache where my bladder is. I don't even register wetting myself until Liam and zayn start shouting about it.

"Oh my god!"  
"He pissed himself"  
"This is gold Liam"  
"I can't believe how dirty he is"  
"Disgusting"  
"Covered in cum and piss"

"M good" I mumble as I slip in and out of consciousness.  
"You are baby. Let daddy put this on and I'll get you a cloth baby" Liam says and he slides the cock ring back on my penis. I wince as it catches a bit of my skin.

"Be back in a moment baby. Remember, no sounds other than colours" Liam tells me and I nod my head as he leaves the room.

 

I think I fall asleep. I must have fallen asleep for a few minutes, waiting for him as when I wake up, I can't move due to the hand ties, and the room is still exactly the same.

I still have the dildo inside of me and I haven't been cleaned up. I listen out for sounds and can't hear anything other than the TV going in the living room. I whine before remembering being told not to make any sounds. I'm already a dirty boy. I don't want to be naughty as well.

I hear Liam talking to Louis and I know he'll be in in a moment.

Except. He isn't.

The only change is that the dildo inside of me starts to vibrate inside of me and cause my insides to tingle and my penis to ache from being hard for the past 3 hours at least. The setting is changed on the dildo (vibrator) and now it's going at a continuous middle speed. It's then turned up again and the vibrating dildo sort of pumps itself out of me and then is pushed back inside by the rope. All the while, vibrating at electric tooth brush capacity inside me.

"R-red" I croak

I feel my eyes roll back into my head as I cum again without releasing due to the ring. 

"R-ed. Red. Please r-ed" I whimper.

I cum dryly twice more before blacking out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait !!
> 
> Hope it was worth it !!

Louis pov

 

Im woken up by Harry crawling into my bed once again. It's no suprise but he should know we never get a good night's sleep when he does. It's not because we're having sex, it's because because Harry barely fits into a bunk as it is. Never mind me being in there too. So it's safe to say it's squashy. That being an understatement. But it's nice and cosy. And he gives great cuddles. So I'll let him off.

"Mmm have you- you seen niall?" Harry yawns as he spoons me from behind.  
"Was in bed I think" not interested in the Irishman. I'm pretty much asleep.  
"Nuh uh. His lights off" he mutters. That catches my attention and I'm more alert. That's strange. Niall wouldn't be in any room without a light on. Even his bunk has a light taped to the wall so when he closes the curtain, it's not dark.

"Strange. Have you seen him?" I mutter.  
"Heard him with Zayn and Liam earlier" Harry hums and rolls on to his back. There's even less space now but I lay on my back too. I know neither of us are asleep. We're both too worried about niall now.

"I thought I heard Liam go out?" I frown deeper when my brain catches up.  
"Niall didn't go with him though, his shoes are in the hallway. Nearly died falling over them" harry ponders.

"I think we should look for him" I suggest after another moment of thinking.  
"Yeah me too. Something doesn't feel right" Harry agrees and climbs out into the hallway of the bus. I follow him.

We start by checking the kitchen. Because let's face it, if niall was going to be anywhere other than in bed at 3:24am - it would be the kitchen eating something. Except he isn't. There's a note from zayn and Liam saying they've gone for a smoke but that's it.

We check all of the bunks (Just in case he forgot which one was his again) but he isn't there. He's not in the bathroom, the living room or the laundry room.

"Can you hear that?" Harry frowns. He holds his hand out to stop me walking and motions for me not to speak. I can see him listening intently, his eyes darting around as he finds the source of the noise (I'm sure he's imagining because I can't hear anything).

"Tv Room" he says abruptly and his eyes lock on the TV Room door.  
"What noise is it?" I mumble as we head over.  
"Sounds like a toothbrush"  
"You think nialls brushing his teeth in there whilst watching Fair-city?" I scoff. That's the most bizzar thing I've ever heard!

"Wouldn't be the first time" he mutters and I stop dead, smirking at him to prompt him to continue. This sounds juicy. He shakes his head as if to say 'Don't ask questions you don't want answers to'. I make a mental note to ask later. I want answers. No matter how absurd they seem.

We get to the door and Harry makes a beeline to open it and yeah, now I concentrate, I can hear what sounds like an electric toothbrush.

 

 

I don't think either of us are prepared for the horrendous sight we are met with. 

 

Niall is laid on his back, naked and tied to the bed. If that's not bad enough, he's covered in cum and what smells like urine with a vibrator inside him, still going! He's been crying. His face is blotchy and he has more bags under his eyes than an airport but he's also appearing to have blacked out.

"Niall? Niall babe?" I mumble as I make my way towards where's he's restrained, to check he's okay. Harry is frozen to the spot and I don't blame him for being scared and fuming! But right now, we need to make sure nialls okay.

"Nialler? Baby can you hear me?" I whisper as I card a hand though his greasy and sweaty hair, moving it from his eyes and forehead.

"D- abdy. Ed" he mutters incoherently.  
"What baby? What was that?"  
" 'Ed daddy"  
"Okay baby. Okay" I mutter. I have no idea what he's saying but I don't want to stress him so I simply agree.

"Harry! Nialler needs us" I snap at Harry who is stood frozen in the door way with tears streaming down his face as he takes in how abused niall has been. But he does snap out of it and makes his way to the bottom of the bed.

"Niall it's Louis and Harry babe. Stay with me okay? I'm going to untie you yeah?" I offer. He doesn't agree but he doesn't disagree either.

I unclip this rope thing from around nialls neck, so Harry can remove the vibrator, and notice he has small abrasions where the rope has rubbed the skin on his neck, making it bleed slightly. I make a start un-tying his arms whilst Harry turns off the vibrator and removes it.

There's a loud squelshing noise that sounds disgusting and when I glance at Harry to see what it was, I see he's removed the vibrator (and turned it off) but there must be three loads of sperm, or more, falling out of nialls arse and pooling on the bed inbetween his legs.

"I'm gonna kill them" I growl quietly.  
"He's bleeding"  
"What?" I mutter and take a closer look. He is. He's bleeding. Not loads but enough to know that they've split something inside him.  
"Clean him up gently haz. See how bad it is" I instruct and continue to untie his hands. Once they're un-tied, his hands drop straight to the bed like lead balloons. That signals he's been tied up for a long time. He whimpers as I assume blood is running back to his hands. Let's face it, they weren't getting enough blood tied above his head on to the mother fucking head board.

"Ed daddy. Ed" niall whimpers again and I smoothe his hair down softly before kissing his forehead comfortingly.  
"Okay babe. Okay. Louis' here. Masters here" I correct myself. He seems so far in subspace he doesn't know who I am. I'm hoping 'master' will be a trigger word for him and luckily, it is.

" 'aster. R-red. 'lease red. N' more. Red. Jus' red" he sobs and it breaks my heart. How could Liam and zayn do this to him!? They've just used him for their own pleasure and left him like this! Who knows how long he's being calling red for. Who knows how long they've being over stimulating him like this.

"It's okay baby. Daddy and sir aren't here. It's Master and Prince. I've got you baby. Louis got you. Everything has stopped. Okay baby? You're okay. I've got you" I coo and pull him up into my chest as he breaks down into sobbing tears. His cum, sweat and urine seep through my shirt and rub against me and it is so gross, but I know how vulnerable he is right now, so I don't mention it.  He can't even move his arms to hold himself close to me, they're that numb. He tries. Lord knows he tries to hold on to me, but his arms don't move. I scoop him up into my chest and sit on the bed with him sat on my knee. Head and face burried into my chest and neck as he sobs his adorable little heart out.

"He's got a ring on" Harry whispers to me and I frown before realising what he means. He's wearing a cock ring.

"Can I take your ring off darling? Hmmm. My sweet Baby boy?" I hum and he nods but cries out in agony when I reach my hand inbetween his legs to remove the ring. He's so exhausted, he can't even open his legs so I'm going purely on touch as I can't see it to undo it. I touch nialls cock a few times and everytime I do, he sobs harder into my chest. 

 

HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEING OVER STIMULATING HIM LIKE THIS !?

"I'm sorry baby boy. I've almost got it. So good niall. So good for us my baby" I apologise and I notice Harry is still crying softly to himself. He's been out and got niall some fresh clothes and some warm water and some cloth so we can clean him up.

I finally un-cap the ring, expecting him to finish enough to knock him out for a week. He doesn't. He goes soft almost instantly and his little cock just lays worn out on his thigh.

"M- 'm s-sorry" he chokes out and I ssshhhh him softly. He has nothing to apologise for. Nothing to be sorry for. I tell him as much and kiss the side of his head once again.

"R-red" he chokes out once again.  
"Yeah darling I know. Red. We've stopped okay baby. Everything's stopped" I whisper, only just keeping the tears at bay myself.  
"Red" he whispers.

 

"Red, I know babe" I soothe. I keep repeating it everytime he does, so he knows I've heard him and that I'm listening.  
"Red" he whispers.  
"Red" I agree.

"Think we should clean him up?" Harry asks.

His cheeks are tear stained and he looks both mortified and traumatised at what state he's witnessed niall in. I don't blame him. If niall didn't need me right now I'd have been hurling my guts up in the toilet for the next 3 hours at least.

"Maybe wait for him to relax a bit more" I suggest. I glance at nialls tiny frame in my arms. The poor boy looks half starved. Like he hasn't slept properly in months. Like he's about to have a mental break down. He looks awful.

I lay a blanket over him to give him some modesty as he's still naked, but to also keep him warn from the shock.  I then sit cuddling him for an hour at least. He doesn't sleep but he does snuggle into me and relax a little. Harry makes niall a ham sandwich and a glass of milk for when he wants it. Right now though, he seems content just laying in my arms. He's yet to say anything other than red and Liam and zayn are yet to return.

"Niall?" I whisper.  
"Red"  
"I know baby. Red yeah?" I whisper, trying to hold back the sigh. That all he's said so far. Red.

"Can I clean you up darling?"  
"R-red -lou" he whimpers and my heart shatters as his voice breaks from all the crying.  
"I know baby. It's stopped. You're safe niall. Do you trust me darling?"  
"Red"  
"Red" I agree and kiss his head as he snuggles back into me. We can clean him up later.

 

I'm cuddled with niall for the next half an hour. He's fallen asleep in my arms. Face smushed into my neck, hands holding my shirt with a vice like grip, and letting out the occasional sigh into my jaw. He looks tiny. He looks abused and broken. But, for the first time since un-tying him, he seems relaxed. Well, as relaxed as one can be after what he's been through.

Liam and zayn come in, giggling into their hands and stinking of weed. Eyes glazed over from the joints they've most defiantly smoked.

I glare at them when they enter the room.

 

They freeze. It's like time has frozen. They stare at me and go silent immediately. They then stare at niall and their eyes go comically wide with realisation. Only there's nothing funny about this. They forgot about him. It's written all over both of their faces. They tied him up and abused him and left him whilst they got high. The thought makes me feel physically sick. Niall has been cuddled up in my arms for the past two hours after un-tying him (which took about 15 minutes to calm him down). And Liam and zayn have only just come back for him.

"Ni-"  
"Don't speak to him" I snap quietly at zayn who drops his head.  
"What time did you go out?" Harry asks firmly.  
"About 3?" Liam whispers, shame written all over his face and body language. Good.

"We untied him at 4. 4 am. He was blacked out when we got here" I inform them harshly.  
"W- we just went for a smoke-"

"- you left him! He blacked out zayn. What time did you start fooling around? It was early this morning" Harry snaps and niall shifts slightly in my arms, but doesn't wake up.

"Just before midnight" Liam shrugs like it's no big deal.  
"Are you kidding me right now" Harry growls.  
"So we fucked until 3. That's not bad" zayn defends.

"You left him at three. He was literally having sex for four hours when we found him. And it's 6am now. If we hadn't found him, he'd have been here for 3 hours on his own. And having sex for 6 hours straight without proper support" I snap.

"Support. He doesn't need support" Liam scoffs.

"You can't Sub and Dom without the emotional support to protect the Sub. He was a mess when we found him. He'd blacked out and you didn't even know! He's been split open and was bleeding. He was covered in cum and what smells like urine. He had a vibrator left inside him and turned on with this mother fucking strap so he couldn't remove it! He had a cock ring on so he couldn't even reduce the over stimulation by finishing. His arms had lost feeling from where he was tied to the head board and when I untied them, he cried because it hurt that much when the blood returned to them. So who split him and who spanked him!?" Harry roars and it makes all of us jump.

I jostle niall a little and he opens his little blue eyes carefully. He panics a little before snuggling into me and burying his face into my shirt and smelling deeply.

My scent seems to relax him for a second until Liam coughs and he almost jumps out of my arms. He peeks his head out and bursts into tears at the sight of Liam and Zayn stood there.

"Ssshhhh. I know baby. I know. It's okay. Yeah? Louis here. It's okay darling. I won't let them hurt you. I know baby. I know"

"We won't hurt him" Liam argues and Harry motions to the distraught boy in my arms, as if to say 'you already have'.

"Red. R-red" niall hiccups.  
"Red. I know babe. Everything has stopped" I assure him. It takes a few more minutes but he settles down into my arms, refusing to go back to sleep though as he watches Liam and Zayn cautiously.

"I think I split him. I didn't- didn't mean to. I tried to cover it up with the dildo" zayn mumbles.

"Did you spank him as well?" I snap, my arms wrap tighter around niall instinctively.  
"No"  
"He wasn't spanked" Liam argues.  
"His arse has black and blue hand prints all over it" Harry informs us all. I didn't know that.

"It's not hand prints" Liam argues again.  
"I know what a spanked arse looks like" Harry scoffs. It's true. I love him spanking me and he loves it. We didn't mind when niall said no to that, as we do that anyway.

"Okay. I spanked him a little" he caves.  
"Get out. Both of you. Get out" I warn them.

Zayn goes willingly after saying sorry to niall. Niall didn't respond. None of us expected him to. But Liam refuses to move.

"I'm sorry niall. There, problem fixed"  
"The problem isn't fixed! You've broken him! All he says is red. He's terrified of everything and everyone now!" Harry glares.

"I said sorry" Liam mutters, rolling his eyes and making his way towards niall. Niall whimpers in my arms and tries to get away from him. I shhh him and cover his face with my hand so he can't see liam. It calms him a little but he's still clinging on to me for dear life.

"That doesn't make it okay!" Harry growls once again and does something I never thought I'd witness, he grabs Liam by the hair, rags him away from me and niall and punches him in the face.

 

Liam goes down like a sack of spuds.

But as soon as he's down, he's back up and glaring at Harry, now with a blackening eye.

"Leave" Harry warns.  
"I will do. Get a good lawyer styles" Liam counters but does leave the room.

 

Harry collapses onto the bed and strokes nialls ankle softly.  
"Lou?"  
"Yeah niall? How are you baby?" I whisper quickly. I don't want to scare him, but this is the first thing he's said other than red, and I need to know he's okay.

"Red?"  
"Yeah. Yeah babe red" I try not to sigh.  
"S-safe?"  
"Of course baby! You're always safe with me and Harry" I assure him. The fact I have to assure him of this breaks my heart  
"D-drink?"  
"Got some milk here, you want some?" Harry smiles softly and offers niall the glass.

He nods gently and reaches his shaking arm out for the glass. He grabs it and Harry releases but niall doesn't have a firm enough grip with his arms yet and drops it. I spend the next 10 minutes comforting him as he cries his eyes out over being naughty and making a mess. Harry gets him another drink of milk but puts it in an empty water bottle so it won't get everywhere if he drops it again. Which he does. Twice.

He's snuggled into my chest sipping his milk from the bottle, making adorable little slurping noises as his eyes get heavier and heavier until he falls asleep suckling on the cap of the bottle.

"We can't baby him lou. I know he's adorable, but we need to get him back to big niall" Harry tells me as he takes the bottle off of me and rests it on the side.

"I know. I'm just- trying to give him emotional support whilst he comes out of his sub space" I smile. I have no intentions of treating him like an actual baby. He's just a bit all over the place at the moment. I'm trying to protect him and make him feel safe again. For his own sake. 

 

Because this - boy in my arms - is not the nialler I met at boot camp 2 years ago. 

 

This isn't the happy go lucky - could make friends with the nearest tree - would talk to anyone and make them feel loved - always dotting around with his guitar and a giant grin - Irishman we all fell in love with the moment we met him. 

This broken boy in my arms, I don't recognise him.

But I don't know if I'm greatful. Given the choice, I wouldn't want to know that this is my best friend. I DON'T want to know this is my best friend.

 

 

My best friend is broken and - and - I don't know how to fix him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone even still reading this hahahaha
> 
> Opinions ??


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so although we know who did what - this story is in no way nearly over. (I hope that's a good thing.)

Niall pov

I open my eyes slowly and gaze around the room. I'm trying to assess my surroundings and see if I'm safe before making an attempt to make my awakened form known.

"Hey baby. How are you doing?" Harry whispers from the bottom of the bed, giving me a little fright.  
"Red" I say instinctively.  
"Red. I know darling. It's stopped. See?" He smiles and I flick my eyes cautiously around the room to see if he's telling the truth. I think he is. I can't see Liam or Zayn. Just Louis and Harry. Harry's laid at the bottom of the bed, stroking my ankle and I'm laid snuggled into Louis chest but he's fallen asleep.

"Do you need anything?" He smiles softly and I hesitate. I'm really thirsty. But, what if I'm not allowed a drink? What if I have to be a good boy first? I'm too tired to have more sex. I'm too hurty. The thought makes me whine a little.

"It's okay sweetheart. If you need something I'll get it. You're allowed anything you want or need babe" Harry says quietly and I feel like I've upset him. He looks sad. But, when I look in his eyes, I don't see any anger or resentment at me needing something. I see love and hope and reassurance. I chance it.

"Drink?"  
"Of course. Milk or juice babe?"  
"M-milk" my throat cracks a little bit and cough quietly into my hand to clear it.  
"Okay babe. I'll just be a moment yeah?" He whispers and I nod my head tiredly then watch him leave.

I snuggle back into Louis and rub my face into his t shirt for comfort. I have no idea how or why but it calms me down. It makes me feel safe. And he's super warm and comfy to lay on.

"Hey little boy"  
"Red" I jump a little when Louis speaks to me and say red out of instinct. I didnt know he was awake.  
"I know, Red babe. Where's Harry gone?" He whispers and cards his fingers through my hair and then he hums into the side of my head.  
"Me- Drink"  
"Oh has he now. And what drink are you getting babe?" He smiles and tucks my head under his chin. He looks happy I'm talking. But what if he's not? Or he gets mad? Or changes his mind and wants me to shut up. Zayn and Liam did. Zayn wanted loud then so did Liam then Liam wanted silence. Its hard to go from shouting and being vocally expressive to absolute silence. Especially whilst alternating between being in pain and feeling little spouts of pleasure at the same time.

"Milk" I whisper.  
"That's good baby. Keeping your strength up yeah?"  
I nod.

"You not in the mood to be chatty Nialler?" He chuckles softly. I feel like he's teasing. Nor mean teasing, but just, trying to make a joke of it whilst pointing out I'm quiet. But I feel like I have to answer him. I want to be a good boy. If I'm good, they might leave my bum alone for a while whilst I'm sore. And good boys follow the rules. Always answer truthfully and verbally when asked a question.

"Um- 'c-'cared"  
"What are you scared of sweetie?"  
"Shouty" I mumble.  
"I won't shout babe. You're allowed to speak Niall" he frowns.

I shake my head at him. I'm not. Not without permission. And that only comes from being spoken to or being told to speak.

"Who said you're not?"  
"No- noise" I mumble.  
"Who told you no noise?"  
"Red" I whimper.

"Okay, it's okay. You don't have to talk about it if it's upsetting baby. But, if you want to talk about it, you can. You're allowed and I'll listen. Okay? You're allowed to talk about anything and make any noises you want" he smiles and Harry comes in with my milk at that moment.

He hands over the water bottle with milk in it and I whisper out a "Thank you".

I snuggle back into Louis chest and sip my milk quietly to myself, thinking about how I got here.

 

"Niall? Nothing sexual, but, can I clean you up babe?" Louis startles me by saying and I choke on the mouthful of milk I had in my mouth.

I cough as some of it goes down my air pipe and some of it dribbles down my chin.

"Sorry! Sorry darling" Louis mumbles and rubs my back carefully whilst I cough out any last bits of milk. He uses his shirt to wipe my chin and I feel a little bit like a child. Especially when Harry coos at me.

"I'm sorry for scaring you babe."  
" 's' Kay"  
I whisper.

"Can we clean you up babe? Get you into some Jim Jams?" Harry asks cautiously and I shake my head.

"Red"  
"We know babe. It's not going to be sexual. We just want to clean up your bum and tummy. To make you not sticky and sore" he soothes.

"Sore"  
"We know darling. That's why we want clean you up. We want to help. But we can't, if you don't let us" Louis says softly.  
"Mac 'cheese" I compromise after thinking about it for a moment.

"Of course. You can have anything you want to eat babe. I tell you what, I'll make you some yummy mac and cheese whilst Louis cleans you up and when you're all clean, you'll be ready to eat it"

"Coke" I say with a small cheeky grin.  
"I'll also get you a can of coke" Harry chuckles and I nod my head agreeingly. He heads off to do that and Louis manovers me so I'm not sat on his knee anymore. I pouts him.

 

 

Louis pov

I can't help but coo. Niall is sat there on his bum with his legs open like a child with an adorable little pout on his face. He's naked baring the sheet that's covering one shoulder, as it's slipped off the other, and his modesty. He makes little grabby hands at me, wanting to cuddle back into my chest and I smoothe some of his hair down but don't let him cuddle back into me. I want nothing more than to sit and cuddle him for hours and make him feel safe and reassured. But I need to clean him up. That's my main task right now. That and making sure not to hurt niall or lose any more of his trust.

"We can cuddle once I've made sure you're not in pain anymore babe" I assure him.  
"K-kay Lou"  
"Can you lay down for me babe?"  
"Red" he whimpers and his eyes fill with tears.  
"I know my baby boy. I know" I plead with him. I know it's red. I have no intentions of hurting him. I just don't know how to prove that to him unless he gives me the chance.

"Safe?" He whispers.  
"Always. You're always safe with me"

I hold his gaze for what feels like hours. In reality it's a minute at most. But I know he's assessing me. Trying to figure out whether or not to trust me. I hold his face and offer him a small smile that is hopefully friendly. He drops my gaze and I panic, thinking I've failed his test. Worrying he's never going to trust me enough to do this. Then he lays down onto his back and opens his legs a little.

"It's just to clean you up. Do you trust me babe?"  
"Trust- Lou"

"Thank you darling. Come on, let's get you clean" I smile and breath out with gratitude at the same time. He trusts me!! It's sad how happy that makes me. Niall trusts every single person he meets, the moment he meets them. But when they break that trust, it's gone. And it doesn't come back. But what Zayn and Liam have done, has broken the trust Niall has in me and Harry. And that's terrifying. Because if he doesn't trust us, who does he trust. If he doesn't think he can trust us, who can he trust.

I clean his stomache and back first. Wipe him over with a clean cloth and some soap. A few times to get rid of the smell of sex and urine. I then get him into one of my t shirts that he keeps smelling and smiling to himself at. Which is adorable. I clean up his thighs and groin and he whimpers a little at the tenderness. He's got a bit of a rash and I apply a bit of sudo-creme to ease it. He whines at the coldness as I spread it but then relaxes as it cools his itchy skin.

"Okay, babe? Do you want me to clean your Willy, balls or bum first?" I ask him and he just shrugs at me.  
"Front first?" I try again and again, he just shrugs.

I wipe over his cock and balls with the cloth. Being careful as to not hurt or scare him. He whimpers as little and closes his eyes. I feel awful. I know why he's closing his eyes. He's crying and he doesn't want me to see or hear him in case I get shouty.

I rub his knee cap gently and stop cleaning him until he falls down and stops crying. He does after a few minutes and cautiously opens his eyes to see what I'm doing.

"It's okay babe. You aren't in trouble. If it hurts too bad tell me and we can stop for a little while. Okay?"  
"Red?" He asks, head cocked to the side a little.

"If you want to say red, you can. That works. Or you can say stop, and I'll stop"  
" 'Top?"  
"Yeah darling. Stop" I confirm and he nods his head that he understands.

I clean up his cock and balls without too many problems. He whimpers and his eyes glaze over with tears but I keep watching his face to monitor for myself if he needs a little rest. I stop twice to give him a moment. Then comes the task of cleaning his bum. Considering it's black and blue from being spanked, he's practically screaming from me wiping over the swell of his bum. Never mind cleaning his hole and assessing the tear.

Harry comes in to see what all the screaming is and he's in tears with niall as he holds him and comforts him as best he can. Liam and Zayn don't come in. I'm greatful. 

When it comes to cleaning the actual hole, he's split. Its not overly large, but pretty deep so it must be painful. Niall keeps muttering about being so embarrassed and it being degrading. He's on his hands and knees with his legs open so I can check him out.

"How's the knee?" Harry asks niall. Niall grumbles at him "Kay" and I sigh sympathetically at the poor boy. He's on his hands and knees with his legs spread whilst I'm sat behind him, carefully using my hands to open his arse cheeks out and assess the damage inside. I'm careful not to get too close to his rim as it's really sore. But I need to get close enough to be able to open him out enough to enable me to look at how badly he's split.

"How's the cut?" Harry asks me.

"Pretty deep. I don't think it needs stitches though babe. Niall? Can I rub some special cream inside for you? Help to cool everything down babe" I offer. I've got no intentions of just sticking my finger inside him and rubbing the cream in. It will help but if he says no, I'll respect that and won't force him.

" 'Top?"  
"We can stop if you need to babe" I smile and move my hands away from his body. This only works if he has complete trust in me and my promises. I can't let him think for a moment I won't stop if he asks me to. I need to get him to a healthy weight, sleep pattern and emotional balance and that won't happen if I blow the little trust he is placing in my hands.

"No- not now" he smiles lightly.  
"Keep going?" I frown a little.  
" 'pecial cream"  
"I can rub some in?" I ask carefully, trying to remain calm. This is a huge step for him to take.  
"Safe?"  
"Always" I nod at him.  
" 'Top if ask?"  
"Straight away babe"  
"kay. Kay, cream"

I use my little finger. It's the smallest one so I'm hoping it won't hurt as much. Niall still grumbles but doesn't cry which I'm taking as a huge step. I put the cap of the bottle at his hole and squirt some in inside him. He shivers and makes little noises of protest at the soggy feeling but doesn't say stop. I slip my little finger inside and rub the cream into the cut for him before pulling out and helping him into some boxers.

Harry rests Nialls Mac and cheese on a pillow for him to eat whilst watching Brave and we all relax in the bed for 10 minutes. Niall has more of the food on the bed than in his stomache as he's too distracted by the t.v. to eat his food. I take the spoon off of him and scoop up some dinner for him before nudging his mouth open with the spoon. He gets lazier after that. He snuggles back so he's sat up but slouched and opens his mouth for food before chewing adorably and waiting with his mouth open for more food.

His eyes drop before he's finished the bowl and I carefully lay him down to have a nap. Which wakes him up, of course. Luckily, Harry just hands him his bottle of milk and he suckles on that until sleep takes him.

"He's so cute"  
"He's so small" I counter. He is. His weight has dropped dramatically and his eyes are black from sleep deprivation. He's also too pale. But he looks a bit better. Since rescuing him 7 hours or so ago, he's a little more perky. He's eaten and drank three bottles. He has more colour and less bags. The weight gain will have to be, gradual as to not endanger his life by piling on the pounds all at once.

"Knock knock. Can I come in?" Pall calls.

"Yeah Paul" Harry says loudly enough Paul will hear him through the door, but not too loud that Niall will wake up.

He pokes his head around the door before coming in properly and taking in the bizzar sight before him.

"What's up?" I mumble from where I'm laid with niall laid over me. I'm on my back and he's laid on his tummy with his head on my chest, his stomache on my crotch and his legs tangled in with mine. Harry is laid next to me and is stroking nialls hair.

"Really Louis? That's all I get? What's up?" He grunts and I shrug. I don't know what else he wants me to say really.  
"Niall is a bit emotional at the moment" Harry supplies when he realises neither of us are elaborating.

"Liam said you hit him. He's ready to call the cops Harry!"  
"He hit Niall" Harry says bluntly.  
"When? What happened?" He sighs.

Harry and I look at eachother. We both have what I imagine is the same expression. Suspicious blankness in the hopes of bot revealing anything untoward. Neither of us want to tell Paul about what Liam and Zayn did because then we'd have to tell him about the whole Sub and Dom thing. But we don't want Niall to be uncomfortable is the thing. I wouldn't feel comfortable with everyone knowing I'm a submissive and that I got split open. Or that I was having sex with four people at the same same on a form of schedule.

"Stop with the silent eye ball conversations. I'm not here to judge. I'm here to help" he explains and closes the door. Niall shuffles softly on my chest and grips my shirt with his little first before snuggling back down to sleep.

"Okay, we've all been having sex with Niall-" I start and Paul buts in.  
"-I thought you and Harry are exclusive now and Liam and Zayn are doing their thing?"  
"We are. And- they are" I confirm and he nods to indicate he's following so far. Even if he looks confused already.

"We all wanted to be more -dominant but none of us wanted to submit for the dominance thing to work" Harry supplies and Paul looks like he wishes he'd never asked.  
"So, Niall agreed to sub and -" I start and Paul buts in again.  
"-For all of you?"

Harry and I nod.

"Okaaay. Continue"

"Liam and Zayn went too far with him and I got mad. I hit Liam after finding out he hit Niall" Harry concludes.  
"Went too far how?"  
"They tied him up and after being intimate for 3 hours, left him on his own still bound" I sigh.  
"They left him?"  
"Yeah. He'd slipped into sub space and when we found him he'd blacked out" Harry adds.

"Is niall okay now?" Paul gasps.  
"Not really. He's clingy with Louis but doesn't trust anyone else. He just keeps crying and not saying anything other than red."  
"Red?"  
"That was our stop word" I mumble.

Niall shifts slightly and fists at his eye before yawning. He rubs his face into my shirt and then snuggles back into me. He curls up a bit more so he's practically in a ball on my chest.

"I think we all need to sit down with Simon and talk about this. If nialls not okay, we need to get him okay. And you lot can't be on a world tour when you want to knock ten bells out of eachother" Paul 

"No. Niall isn't sitting in the same room as them" I protest.  
"Louis-"  
"- No harry. What they've done isn't okay. Niall isn't okay and I'm not letting them hurt him any more" I snap.

"Well you have two choices; 1 we sit down and talk about this like grown ups. Or two, we cancel the rest of the Tour and One Direction terminate their contract permanently" Paul challenges.

"Fine by me"  
"I'll arrange the meeting-"  
"-No. Terminate the contract" I say firmly.  
"Louis think about this-"

"-I am thinking about this Harry. I'm thinking about us. About all of us. About Niall. He needs time and space to get back to trusting people again. You saw how he reacted to Zayn and Liam being in the same room as him. I'm not doing that to him. I'm not putting him through that. He's only just starting to trust me and let me look after him. If I turn my back on him now, who has he got? Who can he rely on to protect him?"

"Loads of people!" Harry argues.  
"That he trusts?"

He thinks for a moment. I can see the coggs turning in his head.

"No one" Harry shakes his head sadly as he looks at the small damaged boy laid on my chest.

"I'm terminating my part of the contract with immediate effect. And as stated in section 3, sub section B - 'One Direction is not a viable franchise if one member of the band terminates their contractual rights. Therefore resulting in the band ceasing production immediately until all parties can agree on a suitable way forwards, that benefits all parties involved' " I recite word for word to Paul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is awesome !!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo we're looking another 2 weeks for the next update after this. But, I wasn't expecting this chapter to be up so soon anyway.
> 
> Sorry!
> 
> Enjoy!

Louis pov

"No red" a small voice mumbles and we all glance down from our discussion to see niall staring up at us all with wide eyes and a tiny frown on his little face.

"No red?" Harry frowns.  
"No stop"  
"No stop what? The band?" I soothe, moving some of his blonde hair out of his eyes.  
"Yup. Like sing" he grins a little at me and then harry. I don't think he's remembered Paul is in the room.  
"I know baby. We all do, but you need to rest and recover. You've been through a traumatic and emotional event" I tell him softly and he whines at me.

"Noooo. Want sing"  
"I don't think that's what's best for you babe"   
"Is"  
"Babe. You don't even speak in full sentences anymore. How do you expect to sing 22 songs a night? And you got upset when zayn and Liam were just in the same room as you. Remember?" I explain to him but I feel as though I'm talking to a small child.

"Daddy Sir red"  
"Red babe. It has stopped, but, you aren't ready to continue a world tour."  
"Want to" he pouts and Harry bops him on the nose to make him smile. It works and he releases the most adorable little giggle I've ever heard. And I have 4 younger sisters.

"How about we speak to Simon? See what he recommends? If you're not happy with his options, you can have the break" Paul suggests and I glance at Harry to see if that seems reasonable to him. He nods with a half shrug.

"Sure" I sigh. Regretting it already.

 

 

"The only solution I can see for now, is stay on Tour and build up the trust again. You're going to America now anyway. So you have a 2 day flight plus all the airport waiting to bond. Plus once you're in America, your first show isn't for two weeks. So you don't have a show for three weeks"

"He can't even be in the same room as them" harry argues. We're all sat in a room with Simon. It's one of his board meeting rooms with a giant table in it and loads of chairs. Niall is sat on my knee with Harry sat next to me and stroking nialls back. Liam and Zayn are on the other side of the room because niall screamed when they tried to sit any closer. Simon and Paul are sat as the heads at each end of the table.

"Well, that's something niall is going to have to be willing to try and overcome. Liam and Zayn- you two better work extremely hard to build up his trust. I can't believe what you've done to that poor boy and believe me, you will make it up to him. I'll make sure of it" Simon warns firmly.

"I think it will take more than that" I mutter honestly.  
"Niall?" Simon nods and then asks for nialls attention.  
"Red"  
"We know. We know mate. Red yeah? It's over" He sighs softly. I've told everyone the tactic I'm using to gain his trust. Which is any time he says red, I acknowledge that he's said red and reassure him it's stopped.

"Not right now, but at some point, do you think you would be able to talk to Liam and zayn again for me?" Simon tries to coax niall. He's having none of it. I can't say I blame him.  
"Red"  
"Okay buddy. Okay red. It's stopped"  
"Niall? I have a friend called Megan. She's really nice and friendly. She'd like to talk to you and be your friend. Would it be okay for me to invite her in?" Simon tries and Niall looks at me with worried little eyes.

"Safe?"  
"Yeah sweetheart. Megan is safe" I smile softly. I just pray she is, because I've never even met her before.

Simon stands up and invites in a small and petite lady with brunette hair that's mid-back length and vibrant blue eyes. She's smiling. It's a calming smile. A soothing smile that's comforting and kind. The kind of smile niall needs.  
"Hi darling. My name is Megan. Would you like to tell me your name?" She smiles and Niall and sits near us but not right next to us. I like her. She's nice but not overly invasive. I also like that she's asked if Niall wants to tell her his name. Not asked him his name out right - in a way that makes him feel like he has to tell her. This way, it's nialls choice.

"Niall? That's a lovely name. Did your parent's choose it?" Megan smiles.  
He nods with a little grin.

"Okay niall. Do you know why I'm here?"  
"Be my friend?" Niall whispers.  
There isn't a single person in the whole room that doesn't coo at him.

"I would like to be your friend. I would also like to help you feel less scared if I can? I know you've been a bit sad lately and I'm wondering if I could sit with you for a while. It would just be a little while each day and if you wanted to talk about anything to me, you can. But if you don't want to talk one day, that's okay too"

"Talk 'bout what?" He pouts with a little frown.

"Anything you like. You can lead the topics. We can talk about cars or the songs you sing with your friends. Or chocolate. Or if you're worried about anything, I'll see if I can help reduce the worry"

"Daddy Sir left me" niall whimpers.  
"Did they darling? We can talk about that if you'd like. Anything at all"

"You"  
"Me?" Megan asks softly.  
"Tell 'bout you"

"Okay, my name is Megan. My favourite colour is Green. I love Disney and chocolate but I hate bananas"  
"Nice 'nanas" niall giggles.

"Yucky yucky" Megan pulls a funny face and Niall bursts out laughing at her. It's weird. It is like we're all talking to a child but no one is thinking it's weird. It's like we all subconsciously know that niall needs this.

"What job?" Niall asks with a bigger grin. It's nice to see him smile. Like genuinely smile.  
"My job?"  
He nods.

"I'm a psychologist"  
"Brain?"  
"Yes very good. I do look at the brain. I look at why we do certain things and how they make us feel and why. I also, help people feel happier and safer when they're sad or scared"

"You talk me? Makes me safely?" Niall asks softly. Even niall is talking more and more like a child.  
"I can talk to you if you'd like? I will try my best to help you feel safe and happy" Megan nods with a comforting smile.

"I 'till sing?" Niall looks at Simon.  
"If you talk to Megan at least once, every day or more of you want or need to - then yes, you can stay on tour."  
"Okay. I talk you"

"I look forward to our chats darling"  
"Lou in room?"  
"No niall. It will just be you and Megan in the room." Simon interjects.  
"No talk" niall says firmly.  
"How about a deal?" Megan compromises.

"Deal?" Niall frowns with his little head tilted to the side.  
"Louis can stay in the room for the first 3 talks we have, for you to get used to it. But after that, he waits in the other room for you? Sound fair?"  
"Might need lou" he whimpers and his eyes well up with tears.  
"If you really need him, I'll get him. I promise" she assures the small blonde boy and he smiles with watery eyes.  
"Tay. Haves drink?"

 

 

Nialls first therapy session is strange. He's a little quieter than usual but seems open to chat to Megan.

We've gone back to the tour bus to pack for the hotel we're staying in for the next two nights before we have a 2 day road trip to the airport. Followed by a 2 day flight to America. Followed by a three day road trip to California. But we don't have a show for two weeks after that. 9 days and we'll be in California. Yay.

"So niall. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" Megan smiles as niall snuggles into my knee. I'm sat on the chair and Niall is on my knee refusing to move. Megan is sat on the chair opposite with a clip board and pen.

"No"  
"How about America? Are you excited for that?" She prompts.  
"Can't- um- wait. I 'citied"  
"I bet you can't. What are you excited for?"  
"Cheese chips"  
"It's a long way to travel for cheesy chips" Megan jokes.  
" 'Weally good"  
"They must be!" She smiles and then makes a quick note of something.

"We have some toys or colours if you'd like to play?"  
"Not baby" niall pouts, not really backing up his point very well.  
"It's not only babies that colour and play with toys. It's relaxing from stressful things"

"Colour pi'ture?"  
"Of course! Shall we sit down here? Louis can come with you"

And that's how we all end up sat on the bus living room floor. We're sat at the small coffee table with loads of coloured pencils and paper on it. Some pages are blank but others have pictures to colour in.

"I colour 'pider-man" niall squeals and reaches out to grab the paper when he sees the spider man picture.  
"What colour is he?"  
I smile.

"Black a' Um r-red" he stutters.

He's a bit quiet after that but does answer a few more questions and start a few conversations so it's not a complete flop. This continues for what must be 20 minutes. But he's more invested in colouring in Spider-Man than holding a conversation.

 

"Niall? I have a fun game we can play. If you'd like?" Megan smiles.  
"What game?" He mumbles, tongue poked out to the side in concentration.  
"It's called, 'word connect'. It's really fun. Would you like to play?"  
"What do?"  
"Okay so, I say a word, like 'chocolate' and you have to say the first word that pops into your head. Any word you think of first" she smiles and Niall looks at me like he's unsure.

"I can play too babe. We can take turns if you like." I encourage him and he smiles with shy nod.

"Okay louis, your word is Pineapple"  
" 'arry!" Niall giggles.  
"Hey monkey! That was my word" I laugh and tickle his side's causing him to squeal and try to wiggle away.  
"I want turn!"  
"Okay babe, I'm going to make a tea whilst you play okay? I'll be back in a minute?" I smile and Niall nods. Too engrossed in the game to care I've left the room.

I join the boys in the kitchen and watch the IPad they're watching that shows the room niall is in. We are kind of spying but we need to know he's safe and getting the help he needs. We also need to know what he says so Liam and Zayn know how they can start fixing their fuck ups. Personally, I want to know he's happy and doesn't feel under threat. That's the last thing I want for my baby.

"Banana?"  
"Sa'wich"  
"Okay, tree?"  
"Tall"  
"Water?"  
"Wet!" Niall giggles. It's adorable.  
"Monkeys?"  
"Cheeky!"  
"Louis?"  
"Safe" Niall smiles softly without any hesitation and it warms my heart that's the first thing he thinks of when he hears my name.

"Harry?"  
"Snuggles" he giggles and Harry coos out loud.  
"Simon?"  
"Uncle Si !"  
"Paul?"  
"Carry" he shrugs. That's not surprising. The first day Paul starting guarding us, niall dislocated his knee and Paul had to carry him to the recording studio.

"Zayn?" Megan says cautiously.  
"Ouchy" he whimpers and frowns at his picture.  
"Liam?"  
"Left"  
"Stop?"  
"Red" niall murmers and a few tears fall down his puffy little red cheeks.  
"Would you like to stop niall? Or play a different game?" Megan smiles and offers him a tissue.

"Want lou"  
"Okay darling, why don't we see if we can find him?" Megan smiles and holds her hand out for niall to take her hand. He does and she helps him stand up before leading him out of the room. I quickly go over to make a cup of tea whilst Harry turns the IPad off then sits at the table on his phone. Zayn and Liam head to the tv room.

"Lou!" Niall giggles and runs over to me and snuggles his face into my chest.  
"Hey baby. Did you enjoy your chat?"  
"Mhm. Then red" he hums and motions for me to pick him up by wrapping his arms around my neck and lifting his left leg up and trying to jump up with a little high pitched whining noise. This is new but I comply and lift him up from under his armpits. He immediately wraps his legs around my waist and lays his head on my shoulder. His hand then comes up and he sucks lightly on his thumb. He used to do that when we shared a room on Xfactor. We didn't know he was scared of the dark until three days in when he woke me up by crying in his sleep. I found him tangled in the blankets, half hanging off of the bed and sucking his thumb as he cried about it being dark. I turned on a light on my phone before waking him up so he wasn't scared. I sat up with him, cuddling him, talking to him and reassuring him, for 4 hours, until he fell back asleep on my chest.

"Drink?"  
"Of Course my sweet boy. What would you like?"  
"W'i'key"  
"You're not having whiskey darling" I laugh and he pouts before asking for Apple juice.  
"Why don't you snuggle in your bunk and I'll bring it through" I smile and pop him down on the floor.

He heads off and I get him a bottle of Apple juice. He probably doesn't need his drinks in the bottle anymore but it's habit and he seems to like the bottles. I may or may not also like them as it makes me feel more like he's my little boy.

I get to his bunk and the curtain is open as he smacks the night light.  
"That won't make it work" I chuckle.  
"Brokened"  
"Oh no! Shall I see if I can fix it?" I exaggerate and he nods his head enthusiastically, handing me the broken light.

I take the night light off of niall and pull off the back to see what could be wrong. Probably needs new batteries.

"Why don't you get your Jim Jams on whilst I fix this and then when you're dressed, this will be done?"  
"Kay" he grins and starts pulling off his socks. I rest the bottle in his bunk on the bed and head off to find some new AA batteries. I locate some from the junk draw and and replace them, luckily the light works and I return it to niall.

" 'Tuck" he whines as he tries to get his jeans down but he's not even un-buttoned them.  
"Let me help babe" I chuckle. I place the light back on the sliders on the wall and help him unbutton his jeans. I then slide the zip down and shimmy the jeans down his legs carefully.  
"Are you sleeping in jamas or boxers?"  
"Bo'sers"  
"Okay baby. Snuggle into bed then. You're all done" I smile and he motions taking his shirt off. It's no suprise really, he's like a hot water bottle when he's asleep. I help him remove the shirt and he flops side ways before suckling on his Apple juice bottle.

"Night babe"  
"No! Sleep niall"  
"I can't sleep in there too babe. There's no room" I half lie. We would both fit, but it won't be very comfortable.  
" 'lease?" He mumbles with the biggest and bluest eyes I've ever seen.  
"Okay. Okay. Scooch over" I cave.

As he does that I quickly give Harry a kiss good night and change into some joggers before crawling into nialls bunk bed. He immediately wraps his arm around my waist and lays his head in the crook of my neck, resting the bottle on my chest so he can suckle the top. His legs goes straight over mine. I lay one arm over his back and rub little circles to comfort him. The other hand plays with his hair and he giggles lightly.

"My giggly boy"  
"Hehe. 'Nuggly lou"  
"Snuggly niall more like!"  
"Where Harry?"  
"He's in bed love"  
"Niall bed?"  
"No Niall. He definitely won't fit with us two as well babe"

 

An emotional break down, two monster tantrums, a whole load of crying and screaming later, Harry is squashed into the bunk with me and niall. Me and Harry are laid on our backs side by side and Niall is laid on top of us. But mainly laid on Harry. It's warm and sweaty and suffocating and claustrophobic but at least niall isn't screaming anymore.

"Ni' Lou. Ni' 'arry"  
"Night love" Harry smiles.  
"Night baby boy" I murmer and kiss his head as he hums himself to sleep, suckling on the Apple juice bottle.

 

 

"Has anyone seen niall eat today?" Zayn mumbles as we're sat in the bus on the way to the hotel. I roll my eyes at him pretending to care. He doesn't care about niall. He only cares about himself. I can't wait to get away from him and Liam.

"We stopped at the burger place an hour ago" Liam mutters, not even looking up from his phone.  
"But niall didn't order anything. I got him a sandwich but he hasn't eaten it" Harry mumbles as he looks at nialls knee where the chicken and bacon sandwich is wedged on a sleeping nialls lap.

"I can hear his stomach growl from here though. Why hasn't he eaten if he's hungry?" I frown and Niall shuffles slightly before snuggling into Harry's side and falling into a deeper sleep.

"Love? Are you hungry?" Harry murmers and Niall nods in his sleep before mumbling about being full.  
"You haven't eaten though babe" I soothe.  
"Full tummy" he yawns, not waking up one slight little bit.  
"How come love?" Harry enquires.  
"No toilet. Sore" he murmers and it takes a moment before Harry catches on and informs us that niall hasn't been to the toilet and needs the loo because his tummy is full.

"He's split. It must be sore to go to the loo" Harry comments.

I frown at the thought of my baby being in too much pain to even go to the toilet. But that makes sense. They've split him. So as gross as it is to think about, going for a shit must be torture. I cant imagine how much it would hurt. How much it's going to hurt. Because as much as I understand him holding off, it has to come out eventually.

 

 

I ignore everyone for the next 6 hours on the bus whilst we get to the hotel. Well, everyone other than Harry and Niall. Okay. Not everyone. But the specific, no need to name, people who are dickheads get ignored.

We get to the hotel rooms and Harry immediately carries a half asleep niall into our room. I follow and the bags are brought up by the staff. Once inside the room, I shut the door and breathe a sigh of relief that I don't have to pretend to socialise with people I don't like. Or pretend I don't want to smash their faces in for hurting niall. The only way to get Niall calm enough to even get him in the same car as them, was to give him some fanta with a sleeping tablet in it. So he slept the whole way. Which is why Harry took him straight up to the hotel room when we stopped, because he was coming round and we didn't want him to get upset again.

"Lou?" A small voice mumbles from the bed.  
"Yeah babe?"  
"Where we?"  
"We're at the hotel babe. 2 days here and then we have to travel for the plane" I explain to him and he nods sleepily.

" 'merica?"  
"Yeah babe. We're going to America" I chuckle and he nods again before shuffling off of the bed and looking in the mini bar. He grabs a coke before dotting over to the couch and putting on golf on the tv. He then looks over at me with a half grin, as though asking if this is okay.

Harry laughs and grabs a beer before joining niall on the couch. Niall immediately snuggles into him and goes floppy. He does that when he's relaxed and it's nice to see him not on edge as much.

 

 

Harry pov

By the time we leave the hotel 2 days later, Niall still hasn't been to the toilet. That's four days now. He's not eating anymore and we all know Why. He's too blocked up. But he's also got no energy and keeps feeling nauseous which is probably due to lack of nutrients and dehydration. Because although he's drinking, you get most of your fluids through food. Meaning Niall isn't.

Niall is in his bunk but he's awake. I can see the flashing glare of his phone screen peaking though the bottom of the closed curtain. Liam and Zayn are off smoking. They've made no attempt to make things right with Niall. Heck, they haven't even said sorry.

Which means:  
Niall, Louis and myself aren't talking to Liam or Zayn and Liam isn't talking to anyone but Zayn who isn't talking to anyone but Liam.

So it's awkward.

Lou and I are laid making out on the couch. Not heavily, but enough we'll either need to stop soon, or do more because I'm getting a little bit happy and I can feel he is too.

He's sat over me on the couch, legs either side of my waist as he pins my arms lightly above my head. His fingers linked inbetween mine so it's like he's holding my hands as he licks gently inside my mouth, trailing his tongue over my teeth and sucking lightly on my own tongue.

"Ug Lou" I mumble as he grinds his hips into mine. Crotch against crotch. Jeans and boxers rubbing against me in just the right way where it hurts but not pain hurt. More like a sensitive pain. One that amplifies the feel of his body against mine.

"Want me in you babe?" He smirks, knowing I'm going to say yes and lose all dignity I have left. He doesn't top much, so when he does, my whole body feels alive and my thoughts turn to mush as he rocks into me. I love it.

"Yeah- can't- can't here though" I pant as he finishes exploring my mouth and moves to making love bites on my shoulder. Low enough that a t-shirt will cover it but high enough he can see it if he tugs the shirt down a bit.  
"Why not? No one's here babe" he frowns but starts undoing my belt and pops the button on my jeans.  
"They could come back"  
"They could" he repeats. Not looking at all bothered that Liam and Zayn could walk in on this.

"What about Niall?" I whisper and realisation washes over his face.  
"We don't want to set him back. PTSD and all that. Don't want to remind him" I murmer and he nods before climbing off of me. Well now I'm pised off. I didn't want to stop. I just wanted to go somewhere where niall won't see and get upset thinking about when Liam and zayn had sex with him. But now here I am, sprawled out on the couch, hard dick squashed in my boxers, with Louis walking away from a pretty epic make out session that almost lead to me being fucked into oblivion. I don't see how that's fair on me. What did I do?

I'm pouting when Louis turns around and he laughs before raising one eye brow at me.  
"I want sex" I pout, crossing my arms over my chest like a child. It works for Niall when he wants his own way, so I figure I'll give it a try. Louis just laughs once more before heading into my bunk. He shuffles for a little bit before popping his head out.

"Come on then. I can't fuck someone who isn't here"

I've never moved so fast in my entire life. I fall over my own feet getting off the couch and stub my toe on the coffee table but I make it in one piece. Just.

I slip into my bunk and lay face to face with Louis.  
"Hi" he whispers.  
"Hi" I whisper back and we both start smiling like idiots before quietly laughing out loud.  
"Want me to make you feel good?" He hums into my lips and I nod my head enthusiastically causing him to smirk. He's such a little shit.

He removes both of our jeans and boxers whilst I remove our shirts and we chuck them to the bottom of the bunk. There isn't a lot of room, but we're experts at getting eachother off in small places with limited space.

We make out a little more before he slips his first finger past my rim. He's careful and gives me time to adjust which I appreciate. I'm not as used to bottoming as him so it takes me longer to adjust. I groan at the weird sensation of having his lubed up finger inside my arse and he mumbles something into the side of my neck before licking over my sweet spot and making little bites there. He's such a cannibal.

"Love you hazza" he whispers into my lips.  
"Love you too Boo" I tell him honestly.

He seems to be less worried about hurting me after that and moves up to two fingers.  
"Ugh. God Lou"  
"Ready for three?" He pants lightly. His two fingers working me open for him as he pumps them in and out at a possible record speed. But although it's fast, it's not painful. He isn't harsh with the thrusts which I appreciate.

"Hmmm"

He works the three fingers inside me, strething me and preparing me for him, before pulling them out and wiping his hands on the sheet below us, causing me to grimace as this is my bed.  
"Share with me" he rolls his eyes at my face and I nod with a shrug as he lays over me. His face is next to mine, leaving little kisses on my neck and cheek. Chest on chest. Crotch on crotch. Legs tangled with legs. He pulls his hips up slightly and uses a hand to slick himself up before guiding his cock inside of me.

"Fuck" I groan and he presses his lips against mine to keep me a bit quieter.  
"Shhhh. Don't wake nialler"  
"Don't talk about niall while you're inside me. God that's so good" I groan as he presses all the way in and hitting my prostrate and I feel his balls slap against my arse.  
"Can I move?" He murmers and begins pumping himself in and out of me when I nod.

The stretch isn't too bad but it's still there. Louis doesn't have the biggest fingers so really, three of his fingers are about the same as two of mine. Meaning I get a little stretch when he pushes himself inside of me.

He presses into me a little harder and I pant a little as I feel my orgasm working up more. I'm not close but I will be if he keeps this pace up. Especially considering he's hitting my prostrate everytime.

"Ugh" I moan at a particularly hard thrust and he groans when I involuntarily clench around him. I can tell he's getting close as his rythem falters. 

To anyone watching this, this must look bizzar. Due to the lack of space, he's basically humping me as a way of fucking me.

I wank myself off as he picks up speed, sliding my hand up and down my length as he fucks into me with more and more power, causing me to slide up the bed from the force.

"Gonna cum" I tell him and he nods that he's there too, making me release my orgasm and coat both of our chests with my sperm with a grunt of appreciation.  
"God haz!" He shrieks as he releases inside me and it's only now I realising I'm clenching around him, causing him to release. He collapses on top of me with a sigh then pulls out carefully and we both silently agree to clean up later.

"I'm sweaty" I complain as he kisses my neck and then my lips.  
"I love you"  
"I'm still sweaty" I grunt.  
"I love you regardless of your sweat" he smiles and kisses me again. Louis cleans my cock and balls, thighs and chest with a shirt or something from the bottom of the bed before throwing it away somewhere. He doesn't bother cleaning himself up though, just me. I smile at that thought.  
"I love you Boo" I grin stupidly at him and yawn. A minute later, sleep takes over.

 

Niall pov

I wake up to Harry and Louis having sexy time. It's strange as I kind of feel like I'm invading their privacy by spying, but it's not like I've done it on purpose, they're in the bunk below me. I hear Louis talking about being inside Harry and hear Harry groaning from being full and it gets me a little bit excited. This continues for a few minutes before they both release with moans and grunts and I feel a twang of jealousy that that's not me. Not the sex bit, but the physically and emotional connection they have with eachother. It's something I crave. But it's something I won't ever look for or ask for.

I peak my head down to see if they've left as I can't hear anything and notice them laid in bed almost asleep. I can just see them through the gap in the curtain and sigh before pulling myself back up. Or starting to. I stop when they start talking and slide so my head is poking out of my bunk, so I'm upside down looking though the gap.

"I'm sweaty" Harry grunts and I see louis press sloppy kisses on Harry's face and neck.  
"I love you" Louis murmers and my heart clenches but I'm not sure why.  
"I'm still sweaty" Harry whines.  
"I love you regardless of your sweat" Louis says and I can see and hear the genuine smile of love and adoration. Louis then cleans Harry's lower parts, thighs and chest with a t-shirt from the bottom of the bed before throwing it back to the bottom. He doesn't bother cleaning himself up though, just Harry.  
"I love you Boo" Harry sighs, already half asleep.

 

"Hmm. So that's what love is" I whisper before climbing back into my bunk.

 

I make the decision to be more mature. I don't want to come in between Harry and Louis with my baby like nature. They need to focus on themselves and not me. What happened was my fault anyway, so I just need to get over it. I should have said red. I should have told Liam and Zayn to stop and not changed my mind.

That's not to say I won't miss the cuddles and juice in a bottle not a cup. I've always preferred bottles to cups or glasses. Less chance of spilling them. But to be honest with myself, it's the cuddles from Louis I'll miss the most. He's made me feel so safe and reassured after what happened. But he has his own life to live. He doesn't need to worry about me. And anyway, it was my fault what Liam and Zayn did. I can't let anyone else put their lives on hold.

Especially not someone I'm in love with.

Wait.

What?

 

 

So I will be fearless. I will be mature. I will not be a baby. I will get my own bottle of juice. I will fix my own night light. I will snuggle myself to sleep.

I will be a big boy.

But, would it mean I'm not a big boy if I ask for some medicine to help me poop? My tummy hurts but in scared to go because I know it will really hurt a lot. Failing that, could someone hold my hand whilst I go? Or would that mean I'm not a big boy?

 

 

I sigh, roll onto my side with my knees up to my chin and let sleep take over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, any feedback is great!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So believe it or not, I'm actually on holiday and have been for the past two updates!
> 
> That's why I said the updates wouldn't be as frequent. But they're even more frequent!
> 
> Crazy!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy :D

Niall pov

"Morning babe" Harry smiles at me from the door way of the living room. I look up at him from where I'm sat on the couch. My cornflakes are nestled on my knee and I have a coffee settled on the table. I haven't been eating as my tummy is really sore but I feel really sick and tired from not eating, so I thought it was best to have something.  
"Mo'nin' " I mumble through a mouthful of cornflakes.  
"Did you sleep okay babe?" He hums and I nod before going back to watching golf to distract myself from wanting snuggles. I'm AM a big boy.

"Not my chatty boy today?"  
"Not your boy" I pout before remembering I'm a big boy, and glare at him instead.  
"Okaaaaay. someone's grumpy" he chuckles as he ruffles my hair. I whine and bat my hand at him to stop and he gives me a confused look before heading back to his bunk.

I hear him and Lou talking about something. Probably me. They're both whispering and then Louis laughs a little before Harry comes back with Louis following him. I shove a spoonful of cornflakes in my mouth to avoid having to speak and watch them enter the room.

"Hey nialler. You okay babe?" Louis asks and I nod before watching the golf again. I see him shrug out of the corner of my eye and then make himself and harry some tea and toast. They both join me on the couch and I can feel them looking at eachother and having their famous silent eye brow conversation.

I shrug to myself and grab my coffee with my right hand. I use my left to steady the cup and have a small sip before I have a bit more.

"No bottle today?" Harry hums. I shake my head.  
"How come love?"  
"Big boy" I tell him.

He frowns but goes with it and pretends to not be phased.

I finish my cornflakes and coffee and take my bowl and cup to the dishwasher before collapsing back onto the couch with a sigh.

"Have you been to the toilet yet Love?" Harry hums and I shake my head but don't take my eyes off of the game.  
"Do you want some laxatives? They'll help" Louis offers and I frown to myself. If I say yes I won't be in as much pain but then I won't be a big boy. If I say no I'm a big boy but will be in a lot of pain.

"Big" I whisper.  
"You can still be a big boy and ask for help babe" Harry assures me and I shake my head. No I can't. Big boys don't need help. They do everything by themselves and survive. They are brave and independent. But, they don't get snuggles. I pout at that.

"No help"  
"Okay. Well, I have some tablets that help me go to the loo. Feel free to have some. They're on the side. I'm off for a shower" Harry tells me and chucks a packet of Medicine on the side then heads off to the bathroom. Surely I could have one and still be a big boy. Right? He didn't tell me I had to. He simply said I could. That's my choice right?

I stand up and grab a bottle of water from the fridge before popping one of the meds out and sticking it in my mouth. I wash it down with a large gulp of water, spilling some down my shirt as I choke.

"You okay bab- niall?" Louis calls from the couch.  
"Yeah" I cough out and I can feel my face flush red at the embarrassment of having spat water all down my shirt. What kind of baby can't even drink water out of a bottle?! I cough into my hand and change my now wet shirt before slipping back into my bunk.

I lay on my back and plug my headphones into my phone then slot the large beats over my ears before pressing shuffle on Spotify. I drift off to the sound of Indina Menzel's 'Defying Gravity'.

 

I must dose off because the next thing I remember is diving out of my bunk as my bowels gurgle and churn. My stomache is in knots but is also churning like a washing machine that's about to explode. 

I race to the toilet but can't tell which end it's going to come out of. All I know is, I feel really sick and like my tummy is on fire. I whimper as and hover in the bathroom whilst I figure out which end to stick over the toilet.

It's safe to say, I figure it out.

The only down side? It's down my legs, pooling at my feet and all over the floor before I realise. Meaning I shit myself.

I don't know why or when but I cry.

I'm so embarrassed and humiliated at the fact I've shit myself and it's all over the floor. But at the same time, I'm crying too much to remember to move. I'm so stupid. Such a stupid pathetic baby. Can't even go to the toilet by myself. I have to mess that up too. Something I've been able to do for the 15 years I've been potty trained. And I can't do it. What would my mother think if she saw me now.

I sniffle quietly to myself and angrily wipe tears from my cheeks before moving to the toilet. At least the rest of it can go somewhere it's supposed to. The I can just clean up the floor and no one will know.

Right?

Wrong.

I fall.

I don't realise how slippery the diareah is and my right foot slips, jolting my knee, so I try and stop myself falling by securing my left foot to the floor, and it twists the wrong way causing my knee to dislocate. I scream. The pain is unreal. As stupid as it sounds, it literally feels like someone has ragged my knee cap to the side of my leg and popped it out of my skin whilst smashing the bones in my knee into a million pieces. So I scream, I fall to the floor on my bum, but the back of my head on the sink and cry even louder.

I'm crying because my knee is in agony and is already bruising and swelling up. I'm crying because my head hurts from both crying and smacking it on the sink. I'm crying because my bum hurts from landing on it as the spanking bruises still haven't healed yet. I'm crying because my arse hole is stinging from the diareah flooding out when the split still hasn't healed. I'm crying because I'm sat in diareah on the floor of the bathroom like a baby. I'm crying because I'm embarrassed and humiliated by myself for being a baby and not making it to the toilet. And I'm crying because I'm crying.

Aaaaaaand now I'm crying because Harry and Louis have come running into the bathroom, flung the door open and have witnessed me in this state.

"Oh nialler! What happened?" Louis gasps.

Nialler? Nialler?! Why not baby! I don't wanna be big! I wanna be baby and have snuggles and my bottle and not feel upset about crying all the time. I want to be a baby.

I start crying even more.

"Oh Ni come on love. It's okay. It's okay. Harry's here. Tell me what happened babe" Harry coos and crouches down next to me.

I feel even worse now because I know how much it smells and he's practically sat down. Meaning his nose is around 2 feet away from the diareah smell.

"Baby" I hicchup.  
"We know love. You aren't a baby" he assures me and I cry once again but even more this time, with snot dribbling down my nose and tears falling down my face and a bit of spit falls out of my mouth. I WANT to be a baby! Please? Pretty pretty please?

"Want to" I mumble and he seems to understand and coos at me.  
"Okay baby. What happened to my little boy? Hmmm?" He hums.

"Poo and fallened" I cry.  
"Oh darling. Did you have one of the special medicines to help" he soothes and moves some of my sweaty hair out of my face as I nod.

"Okay. Did you not make it to the toilet?" Louis guesses and I nod but feel myself welling up again.  
"It's okay baby. It's okay. We aren't mad. We just want to know what happened so we know where you've got a boo boo"

"Bum a' head an' an' knee" I mumble, pointing to each injured body part as I go.

"Oh darling! Look at you poorly knee. Oh dear" Louis gasps and I nod pathetically, being really sympathetic with myself.  
"Okay baby. Can we stand you up? Get you clean and then we can make your ouchys go away?" Harry suggests and I grimace. That sounds great. I want to be clean and I don't want my ouchys to be ouchy anymore. But I can't stand up by myself. Meaning they're going to have to help me. Meaning they'll get my poo all over them.

You guessed it.

I cry even more.

"Darling. Darling it's okay. Come on its Okay. We're right here baby" Harry soothes and the next thing I know he's cuddling me into his chest. Meaning he's crouch standing in my diareah.

"I' sorry" I hicchup.  
"We know. We know you are love. But you don't need to be sorry. It was an accident. Hmm?" Harry murmers and I nod.

"My sweet boy had a little accident that's all. You don't have to be sorry love"

"Fucking hell!" Liam scoffs.  
"It stinks in here!" Zayn complains.  
"That's disgusting. Zayn check this out"  
"What happened? Ugh! It's gross. He's shit everywhere!"  
"I'm gonna vomit" Liam grumbles.  
"Ugh that's so vile" zayn gags.  
"Why's he sat in it?"  
"That's hilarious! He's such a fucking freak-

"-Shut the fuck up about my little boy" Harry growls and stands up to square up to Liam and zayn. I start sniffling to myself and then Zayn mutters a 'sorry' before walking off but Liam doesn't move. He squares up to harry.

"Make me"  
"Oh really? You want to go down like a lead balloon again?"  
"I got back up Styles" Liam spits.  
"To protect your pride. I saw you cry, Payne" Harry spits back.  
"Whatever. He's a freak-"  
"-One more word about him and you won't be fit enough to even plan your own funeral. Never mind attend it"

Liam glares at Harry before shoving his chest harshly with his hands. I gasp and whimper at the thought of my papa being hurt! He can't get hurt. Louis growls and makes his way over to pretext Harry but doesn't get there quick enough. Harry shoves him back and Liam punches him in the face but Harry moves out of the way and punches Liam in the jaw, causing Liam to stumble backwards into the door frame and hit his head. When he emerges, his jaw is already bruising.

"See you in court Styles"  
"That's what you said last time" Harry laughs.

"Yeah and I gave you the benefit of the doubt. So you could look after your precious baby. But now? I'm making a very important phone call the the men in blue" Liam mocks and waves his phone in the air before leaving with it pressed to his ear.

Harry and Louis sigh.

"Okay little one, let's get you cleaned up shall we?" Louis hums and I nod.  
"I'll grab some cleaning stuff. Black bags and such" Harry offers but Louis stops him.  
"No. Stay with Nialler. Don't want you in anymore fights"  
"Okay" he nods and Louis leaves.

"Can you stand up by yourself love? Or do you need help?" Harry coos.  
"He'p"  
"Okay darling. Come on then. Let's get you up" he smiles softly. He braces himself over me with his knees squat and places his hands under my arm pits before hoisting me up gently until I'm standing on my good leg.

"Good boy. Okay darling, sit here for me" he murmers and sits me on the closed toilet lid.  
"Papa?" I whimper.  
"Y-yeah baby?"  
"I' sorry"  
"Hey, we said no apologies remember? You haven't done anything wrong. You're not in any trouble love" he hums and kisses my fore head softly which makes me giggle and blush.

He carefully pulls my shirt off and then helps me out of my pants and boxers before dropping the diareah covered clothes to one side.

Louis comes back in and uses the mop to clean most of the floor whilst Harry uses a cloth to wipe me down. I feel awful for Harry as he's literally wiping watery shit from my arse, balls, cock and legs. Then of course it's all over my back from where I fell. He doesn't complain though. Or make me feel like a chore. I appreciate that. I also appreciate Louis cleaning up the floor and sides without any form of anger or resentment towards me. They're so lovely. So good to me!

All in all it doesn't take long for me and the bathroom to be clean. Harry helps me into some boxers, careful of my knee as it's now like a balloon.

"Okay babe. Let papa carry you to the sofa and I'll make your knee better babe" Harry mumbles and Louis murmers "papa?" Harry shakes his head at him and picks me up from around the waist carefully. I wrap my good leg around him and he carries me to the living room, then gently places me down on the couch. I cry out in agony when my knee touches the leather material as the pressure hurts my knee even more.

"I need to pop your knee back in place babe" Harry sighs quietly. He's the only person other than medics who can do this. But it hurts like hell. And he cries every time as he hates hurting me. I know he doesn't hurt me intentially. It hurts no matter who relocates my knee. Harry is just lovely and hates being the one causing the pain.

Even though he's technically only causing some current pain to fix previous pain and prevent further pain.

He straightens my leg out and pushes my knee cap inward gently before bending my knee slightly, keeping the pressure on my knee cap. I cry and bite harshly into my bottom lip as he moves my leg. He quietly apologises to me and I flop my head back on the couch, hoping if I don't look, it won't hurt as much. He releases the pressure and straightens my leg out again. He again applies pressure whilst pressing my knee cap bone inwards and bends my knee slightly. There's a slight pop followed by a crack signalling my knee cap has been successfully relocated and he releases my knee cap once again. I'm still crying but silently to myself so that I don't make papa feel guilty for fixing my ouchys. He gently straightens and bends my knee to check my mobility and lowers my knee onto the couch.

"I'll get you some ice babe" Louis smiles and grabs some out of the freezer. The only problem being, the ice is too heavy on my knee and I practically scream when he rests it on my still inflamed bone. He removes the ice and thinks for a moment before grabbing a tea towel and soaking it with cold water.

He places a towel under my knee to elevate it a little and places the wet towel on top of my knee to ease the tension.

"Take these medicines baby" Harry hums and passes me a bottle of orange juice and some paracetamol. I swallow them quickly and wash them down with a large drink.

"Are you okay now darling?" Louis whispers and I nod slowly. I am okay. Mostly. My head doesn't hurt as much and my tummy is okay now. My leg feels a little better. I just feel stupid and a little emotional.

"Does my baby want some snuggles?" Harry coos and I nod my head as my eyes well up with tears once again. I reach my arms out towards him and he coos at me before sliding next to me on the couch. He then moves some hair out of my face before bopping me on the nose lightly with his finger. I giggle and he nudges his nose against mine, whispering "Eskimo kiss" before kissing my forehead.

"Im going to call the doctor babe. Just so they can check your knee out when we get to the airport. Should be there in about an hour" Louis smiles at me and I shrug as an okay before resting my head on my papas chest.

"Haz?"  
"Yeah Lou?"  
"Paul's text. Liam called the cops. They want to speak to you when we get to the airport" Louis tells Harry with a sigh and my head shoots up. They can't take my papa away!! I need him. They can't have him. He's mine. My papa. Not theirs. I whine at the thought of losing him. Who else will make my ouchys go away? Who else will give me snuggles and bottles of juice? Who else will clean up my literal shit and not make me feel guilty not one little bit?

"It's okay baby. Settle down. I'm not going anywhere love" Harry hums to me and strokes my hair until I lay back on his chest.

"I'll speak to them but I'm seeing the doctor with niall first" Harry tells Louis who nods and then leaves the room.

"Ooo Love, no body's gonna hurt you love. I'm gonna give you all of my love. No body matters like you Oooo" Harry hums softly in my ear. I'm a sleep in seconds.

 

"Niall? Niall love? Come on. Wake up love. We have to go get on the plane" Harry hums and scratches his finger nails in my hair softly causing me to giggle.  
"M' up" I yawn but do actually sit up and pull the joggers, shirt and white Supras on that Louis has got out for me.

Harry also hands me my spare crutches, for times like this, to help me walk easier as my leg is still on fire and like a balloon.

 

The walk through the airport is long and loud. There are too many people. Too many bags. Too much noise and too many sounds. Luckily we're exclusives and have our own miniature private plane so we don't have to wait around forever. We simply dump our bags, go through passport control, have a quick look in duty free and get on the plane. Simples.

The doctor examines my knee on the plane and tells me it has been successfully relocated but to take it easy for a few days and keep applying ice to it.

Harry and Louis sit with me whilst I get checked out by the doctor. Which is nice as they both hold a hand each and Harry kisses my head a few times to make me giggle. The doctor says I have mild concussion but nothing serious which is good.

After that the police want to speak to Harry whilst we're getting the bags and everything loaded onto the plane.

There are two official looking men sat taking a statement from Harry.  
"I stay?" I whisper to Harry and he shakes his head at me.  
"No babe. Stay with Louis"  
"Nooo. Please papa?" I whimper and wrap my arms around his neck. He wraps his arms softly around my waist. I can't help it. I know I need to be big right now. I know I do. But I can't help it. I don't want them to take my papa. I want to keep him forever.

"Niall? Come on darling. Let Harry talk to the nice men" Louis mumbles and tries to take me away.  
"No. My papa" I cry. I flop down so I'm sat on the floor like an actual child, crying my eyes out and clinging on to Harry's legs for dear life.  
"Niall. Love come on. Stay with Lou for me. I'll only be 5 minutes" Harry soothes as he scrathes his fingers into my scalp and I shake my head, refusing to let go of his legs.

"Niall? Is it?" One of the police men asks me and I nod at him with a little frown. He crouches down so he's eye level with me and I grip Harry's leg tighter.

"How about you come and sit with Harry in the room but you aren't allowed to speak. Is that a good deal?" He smiles and I nod at him with a little grin. I lift my arms up for Harry to pick me up. He complies immediately and I snuggle in to his neck and chest.

 

We get sat in one of the side rooms and I immediately snuggle into Harry's chest. He kisses my head and pats my bum with his hand softly.  
"Okay Harry so, we've been told you assaulted Liam Payne on two occasions. Can you please give us your version of what happened?"

"It's hard to explain without getting graphic" Harry mumbles and I can hear his heart beat pick up.  
"Well we need something for you to support yourself Harry or you're looking at ABH which stands for actual bodily harm. You can get up to 1 year in prison." The police man tells him and I frown. I don't want papa to go to prison. Not for defending me!

"Liam hurted me. 'Awwy 'fended me" I argue.  
"Its okay Ni. Calm down babe" he soothes.  
"What do you mean Niall?" The nice police man asks.  
"Papa tell him" I nudge Harry and he nods before telling them the whole story. I know he didn't want to tell them because it kind of paints me as a slut. I mean, I had sex with 4 people as a routine. That makes me look slutty and desperate. It also signals they we're all at least partially gay. Which isn't great.

He tells them how I was there as a Sub for both Harry and Louis and then for Zayn and Liam. He tells them how Liam spanked me after me telling them all I didn't want that. He tells them about Zayn splitting me with himeslf and then the dildo. He then goes on to tell the police men about how they left me on my own in subspace after having sex with me for 3 hours, so they could get high.

He tells them about the confrontation and how I was really upset and scared of Liam who tried to grab me. He admits he pulled back but said he only hit Liam when Liam went to hit him first.  
"Is that want happened niall?"  
"Yesh" I lisp through my thumb.

Which then leads to the second confrontation.

He tells them about me struggling to go to the loo due to being in pain and having to take some laxatives. He tells them a little bit went on the floor and I slipped and dislocated my knee. The cops are sympathetic with my knee and I can see them gazing over the swollen bone.

He tells them about Liam laughing at me and them arguing over Liam being nasty. He then tells them about how, once again, it was Liam who went to hit Harry first, Harry just has better reflexes.

 

"Okay Harry, so based on your version, things do add up. We need to speak to Liam again and query a few things with him. Thank you for your time. We'll be in touch" the nice police man smiles and they both stand up to shake Harry's hand.

Harry pats my bum asking me to move so he can shake their hands and see them out but I shake my head and snuggle further into him.

"Nialler come on babe"  
"Nope"  
"It's okay son. We're heading off now. Enjoy America" they shake Harry's hand again and leave the bus to papa saying "Thank you guys".

"So I'm papa huh?" He hums and I burry my face into his neck to hide my blush and whine at him for embarasing me.

___

"Niall? Are you happy to talk to Megan now?"  Louis asks me after I've eaten my coco pops and am sat listening to music though my headphones.

"Sure" I grin. I don't mind talking to Megan. She's really nice. She's kind and funny and doesn't mind me being little.  
"Do you want me in the room babe?"  
"Nah. I fine" I mutter and head off to the back of the plane where Megan is sat waiting. I flop into one of the chairs and grin at her.

"You seem happy today" she smiles.  
"I am. You happy?"  
"I am thank you dear. So, where do you want to begin?"  
"Um- I- I like little- but need be big" I stutter.  
"Okay. Why do you like being little? What do you like about it?"

"Fun and- and snuggles and juice bottle"  
"You do get lots of snuggles" she agrees, nodding her head.  
"I know! Lots" I grin, holding my arms out to show her how much snuggles I get.  
"So why don't you be little?"  
"Tour- um Peoples. No want papa and Mama be mad-ed"  
"Why would they be mad?"  
"Mad-ed for niall be little"

"You think they might get mad at you for being little?" She asks softly and I nod my head sadly. I don't want to make them sad. Or mad. Or sad mad.  
"Why don't you speak to them? See what they want? They might love little niall"  
"Might not" I counter and she nods sadly.

"If you want, I can chat with you, Harry and Louis all in the same room and we configure out what you all want from this? See what's best for everyone? Would that be okay?"

"Please" I smile at her with a cheesy grin after thinking it over.

 

 

Worst case scenario, they want me to be big. It will make me sad but they'll be happy. Bestest case scenario, they love me little and I can be little!

"But an even better scenario, would be for them to realise they're in love with you, and for you to realise you're in love with them" Megan smiles. 

I didn't realise I said best case/ worst case out loud. But what does she mean I'm in love with Harry and Louis.

 

I'm not.

Am I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feedback is amazing!
> 
> If anyone has any ideas where this can go, let me know!
> 
> I have no idea when the next update will be. Hopefully within 2 weeks. Could be tomorrow? Who knows!?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, not a long chapter per se. Buuuuut we get Niall feels!!
> 
>  
> 
> I'm amending ever story I have on here in terms of typos. So the next update on this will be a few weeks because I'm hella busy.
> 
> Sorry!

Niall pov

The plane ride is fun. Well as fun as it can be with Liam and Zayn still being ignored and ignoring everyone else. On top of that there's the awkward tension between me, Harry and Louis as I'm trying to figure out if I'm in love with them. But aside from that it's fun. I mean, the whole 'being in the air' and the tinted windows and the fancy screens.

Liam and Zayn are sat at the front on their own. They won't even look at any of us or acknowledge us. I've given up trying. At the end of the day, they're the ones in the wrong. They're the ones out of line and they're playing the victims. I cant be arsed with it anymore. When they actually apologise to me, I'll speak to them. Until then, I'm being the pouty and stubborn child that refuses to back down. But to be honest, I haven't done anything wrong, so I don't see why I should have to be the bigger person.

Louis and Harry have been super lovely to me. Harry let me snuggle up on his knee for a little 2 hour power nap. Which was super comfortable and warm and snuggly. Louis bought me a hot chocolate and some sweets from the air hostess which was also super lovely.

"You okay Nialler? You're quiet babe" Louis asks from where I'm sat day dreaming out of the plane window.  
"Mhm" I hum, glance at him then go back to looking at the clouds.  
"What are you thinking about?" He tries again to spur a conversation.  
"Stuffs"  
"What kind of stuffs babe?" Harry chuckles and it makes my tummy flutter. I'm not sure why though. Maybe I'm hungry. Maybe the butterflies in my tummy are also hungry. Making me extra hungry.  
"Stuffs" I shrug and lay my head on the window, hoping they get the hint I don't want to talk. They both seem to as I am left alone, after a comforting back pat from Harry that I don't really mind.

 

"Niall? Does now work for you?" Megan asks as a while later as she sits in front of me. She said she'd speak to me, Harry and Louis and see what we all want. But she said she'd make sure that the timing was right for me first. Ideally, straight after my chat with her, would have been better. Then I'd have known where I stood and my nerves wouldn't have been all over the place. However Megan had to make notes of our chat to monitor my progress. Just things we talked about and anything I said I'd like to talk about next time so I feel like our chats are productive and not a waste of time.

"Um. Y-yeah- sure" I stammer.  
"Okay darling. Why don't you go get comfy in the chat room and I'll speak to them really quick" she offers quietly so no one else hears our conversation. I nod and make my way to the lounge we have, further at the back of the plane. I sit on one of the padded chairs and nervously fiddle with my phone to occupy me.

 

Harry pov

"Hey guys. Have you got a minute?" Megan smiles softly as she sits in front of me and Louis.  
"Yeah"  
"Sure" I shrug, trying to play it off as being unaffected but really quite worried as she's just finished speaking to Niall and I hope he's okay.

"Thank you. So, Niall has asked me to have a little chat with you about how he's feeling about some things. I won't go into too much detail as it's for him to tell you how he feels but he asked me to tell you the basics" she explains and we both nod sincerely, giving her our undivided attention. If it's to do with Niall and his feelings, she has my attention 100%.

"He really likes both of you and is a little confused whether it's as friends, like a parent-child support relationship, or whether he's in love with you both" she says softly and I know Louis is just as shocked as I am.

"O-okay. What would he like to do? To figure this out?" I stutter.

"He'd like a chat with you both and myself, to see what you all want and where you all stand. He doesn't mind the out come, but needs to know you all stand and what you all want out of this. I think he's a little confused and it's stressing him out not knowing how he feels or why" he explains calmly and we both nod agreeingly. If Niall is confused and it's upsetting him, we need to discuss it and clear the air.

"Okay" I smile slowly.

"Where is he?" Louis asks.  
"He's in the lounge. I'm going to head back and sit with him, calm his nerves a little whilst you two talk. He understands you both need to be on the same page and he doesn't want to do anything to affect your relationship. So why don't you, take some time, have a chat and see what you both want and come and see us when you're ready?" Megan offers. She has a way of making it feel like our choice but we know it's the best thing that we can do in this situation, so we're going to say yes. But, regardless, it's nice to feel like our decision.

"Yeah sounds good" Louis mumbles and I know he's just as shocked as I am but that he's trying not to dismiss any scenario immediately before we talk about it. I also know he's trying not to get his hopes up about any situation in case it doesn't happen.  
"Yeah, we'll be there in 5 minutes" I smile and Megan nods softly before leaving to sit with Niall.

 

Louis and I look at each other before releasing synchronised sighs.

"Do you love Niall?" I ask him when it's obvious he's not going to start the conversation.  
"Of course I love Niall-"  
"- are you in love with him?" I cut him off. A little pissed off that he knew what I meant, but still made me ask.  
"I don't- think so?" he whispers, head down, like he's ashamed of not being in love with someone.  
"That's okay. Like Nialler said, we don't have to reciprocate the feelings. He just wants to know where he stands" I smile reassuringly at him.  
"I still feel guilty. Like I should be in love with him" he argues and I nod understandingly.

"Are you in love with him?" He asks me when the conversation dies down.  
"Honestly? I think I am. It hasn't changed how I feel about you though" I say truthfully.  
"I know hazza. What do- would you like to be in a relationship with him?"  
"Not if it means losing you" I say firmly. I am in love with Niall, but I've been in love with Louis for nearly 2 years. I can't and won't just throw our relationship away for a chance with Niall.

"I don't- I'm not saying -I'm not- I don't know. I -could be in love with him. One day- I know I could. But right now- right now- my feelings aren't strong enough to call it that"

"But you think they could be?" I mumble.  
"Yeah. I do love him. I know I do. And I am falling for him. I'm just, I'm not all the way there yet. But I can't promise I ever will be. I don't want to give either of you false hope when it's not a guarantee"  
"I understand that babe" I smile and press a kiss to his cheek.

"What kind of relationship would you like? Is it sexual? Is it parent-child? Is it both?"

"Not both" I say firmly. I couldn't have sex with someone that I saw as a child or that treat me like a parent.  
"If Niall wants a relationship with sex, he needs to be big 100%. I'm not doing the whole baby- daddy sex thing" I say firmly.  
"That's what I thought" he agrees and I'm glad we can talk about stuff like this.

"I don't mind calling him baby as like a pet name and giving him snuggles and him being adorable. But I'm not doing the whole, being called papa thing"  
"Yeah what's up with papa?" He laughs and I shrug. I don't know what prompted it, but at the time he needed it. He needed the support. But now, he needs to get out of that if he wants a proper relationship.

"Has he ever been in a relationship?" I frown.  
"N- not that I'm aware of" Louis frowns back at me. Not in a nasty way, but it's a bit strange that an 18 year old male has never been in a relationship. Especially one that could literally have any girl or boy he wanted thanks to his name.

"Do you want to give a relationship with him a go?" Louis asks and I hesitate before nodding slowly, unsure whether I'm allowed to be honest as I don't want to upset or hurt louis. He smiles at me kindly and stands up before holding his hand out to me. I take it with a frown and stand up.  
"Let's go get our boy then" he winks and I smile instantly.

 

Niall looks a nervous wreck when we reach him and I instantly feel guilty for taking so long to discuss things.  
"Hey babe" I smile and wipe under his eyes with my thumbs.

 

Clearing the tears that have gathered there. He offers me a watery smile and we both sit down, me next to Niall and Louis opposite him and next to Megan.

"So babe, I'd like to hear what you're thinking and feeling. Louis and I have talked about what we want, but I want to hear your desires first" I smile at him and he nods numbly, hands shaking a little on his knee.

"Babe. It's just us. Come on, relax yeah? We're just here to talk. Nothing has to happen that you don't want. We'll all figure out what's best for all of us and go from there" Louis comforts him and he nods shakily.

"I- I love you both" he whispers.  
"Is it, is it just love? Or in love?"  
"I- I don't know. I've- I've never been in love 'fore. But I love you -more than- um- other people I love?" He frowns with a little sigh.

"Okay, well, that sounds like in love to me babe. What do you imagine when you see us all together?" I ask softly.  
"Um- I 'magine- holdin' hands. Um- k-kissin'. Snuggles on t'e couch- watchin' stupid films. Goin' out for food an' -an' little dates. Um- ticklin' eachother 'til we can't- um- breathe. Um- t-touchin' an' um- stuff" he stammers, face bright red.

"Sounds like in love to me babe" I smile and so does Louis.

"Would you like to try a relationship with us babe? See what happens? If it's not working we can make adjustments or call it a day. It won't affect our friendship" Louis offers and Nialls eyes go wide with shock. He wasn't expecting that.

"I- um- I- I don't want to- to come between you both-"  
"- you won't babe. It's what we both want" Louis assures him and Niall nods enthusiastically.  
"Y-yeah! Yeah? Yeah. Please. Um- I- I'd like that. Please. If- only if you want that too" he stutters and we both smile.

"We do babe"  
"It's what we both want" I add.  
"You- you won't regret it! I'll be the best. The best for you both . I- I promise"  
"We know you will babe" Louis chuckles.

"We have a few, not conditions, but things we'd like to clarify" I say truthfully and both boys give me their full attention.  
"O-okay" niall whispers.  
"You have to be big. I don't mind you being adorable and giving you snuggles and comfort. But, you can't call me papa and when I call you baby, it's as a pet name. It's not as a kink. You can't be an actual baby. Okay?" I say firmly but not unkindly. I need him to know what he's getting into. If he wants to be a baby, that's okay and I'll be his papa and support him with anything he needs, but he doesn't get the boyfriend relationship too. It's one or the other.

"Okay- y-yeah. I don't- don't feel like I need it anymore. I liked being babied, but, mostly I just liked the cuddles" he shrugs like it's not a big deal. To be honest, he looks genuine. Like he's not phased by the information.

"You can't be intimate with anyone else. That's a firm no go" Louis warns and Niall nods understandingly.

"Okay, my boys, there's about 2 hours left of the flight, why don't we all snuggle up and watch a film?" I offer Niall and Louis. They both nod and after thanking Megan for her time, we make our way to the double bedroom at the back of the plane. It's literally a double bed and a giant TV. That's it in the whole room.

Louis fires himself in the middle of the bed on all the duvets and pillows with a cheer and settles himself under the duvet. A moment later his jeans and shirt come flying near my head as he's stripped off under the covers. He offers us both a cheeky smile before flopping one arm out of the duvet and searching for a film on the over-sized TV.

I take my jeans and shirt off also and crawl in to the bed, behind Louis and kiss his head softly.  
"Come on Nialler" Louis calls and we both glance at Niall who's hesitating near the door.  
"H-have you changed your mind?" I whisper, trying to swallow the sinking feeling in my stomache.  
"No! No. I'm- I'm just nervous. I haven't done the whole- cuddling naked thing. I- I know you have pants on. I'm- I'm just nervous. And embarrassed I guess"

"Have you ever been in a relationship babe?" Louis asks softly and I'm grateful he's being kind to Niall, not teasing him.

I don't mean teasing him to be cruel. But to ease tension, Louis often uses humour, and sometimes it makes Niall feel worse. Like he's being laughed at.

"N-no. I um- I topped Josh. We- we were a bit tipsy. Um- and- I got my- um- sucked by Holly. She got um- mad and s-she left" he stutters and motions towards his crotch.

"Why did she get mad babe?" I frown.  
"I- I finished. S-she wanted to- to sit on my um- Willy" he blushes.  
"Oh babe. Come on. Come for cuddles. You can sleep in whatever you're comfortable with. Okay? We'll go at your pace babe. If you want more, just say. If you want to slow things down. Just say. Alright babe?" Louis comforts him, arms wide open for Niall to cuddle into.

Niall nods but hesitates and we can see him debating whether or not to take his joggers off. We leave him to decide. Not pressuring him either way and not rushing his decision. In the end he leaves them on before snuggling into Louis arms. Lou places a kiss on his head as Niall lays his head, arm and leg over Louis. I link my hand with Nialls on Louis' tummy and lean over to peck both of their lips.

Louis kisses back instantly. Tasting a little sour from his wine gums and fizzy apple juice. Niall hesitates as my lips press against his, but does kiss back after a few seconds. He tastes sweeter, like chocolate and starbursts mixed together. It's not a bad combination. It's defiantly one I'm already craving more of. He whines a little when I pull away, before blushing and hiding his face in Louis neck.

"Cute" Louis mutters and kisses the side of Nialls head softly.  
"Adorable" I agree and Niall blushes even more.

 

 

The next few days are spent with us trying to make Niall feel included but not, overwhelmed. We want him to feel happy and safe and included but not pressured or isolated. It's a challenge finding the right balance. Especially considering Louis and I have a rather active sex drive. Meaning we're trying to tone it down around Niall so he doesn't feel pressured to join in.

"Haz? Quicky while he's in the shower?" Louis groans at me and grins his hips against mine. I hesitate. Not because I don't want to. I really do. But I don't want Niall to walk in half way through and think we didn't want him to join in. Like we waited for him to leave the room.

"What about Niall?"  
"He can join us when he finishes" Louis smirks and I weigh up the options.  
"Okay"

 

Niall pov

I finish in the shower and wrap a fluffy hotel towel around my waist before towel drying my hair a little with a smaller one. God I need a hair cut.

I brush my teeth, use the toilet, wash my hands etc. Before I dry my hair a little more. I'm pretty much dry by this point so I pull on some boxers and fluffy half shorts that are cut off at the knees then pull a Poison shirt over my head.

I can hear Louis and Harry in the bedroom and it sounds like they're making out. They do that a lot I've noticed. I don't mind. I have nothing against it. They kiss me as well. But they don't make out with me. And they only make out with eachother when I'm asleep or in a different room. But by the sounds of it, they're doing more than kiss.

 

I stick my head closer to the door and I can hear Harry moaning and Louis whining softly.

"Fuck Lou! Suck it baby" Harry moans and I'm a little taken back. I know what's happening. Obviously. But I'm still a little surprised.  
"Oh yeah! Come up here baby. Ride it. Ride me"

There's a little silence before some shuffling and then Louis and Harry start moaning once again.  
"God Harry. I'm so fucking close" Louis moans through soggy slapping noises and as hot as it sounds, and believe me it's hot -my hard cock can vouch for that- I'm really jealous. But more than that, I'm dissappointed. Why don't they want me? Why haven't they tried anything with me? Am I not good enough?

The thoughts make me both angry and upset. I briefly wipe the tears from my face, splash cold water on my face to bring down the redness and sit on the closed toilet lid, waiting for them to finish. I don't want to walk out half way through. That would be so awkward.

 

They would probably invite me to join them out of pitty or guilt because I caught them. Not because they actually want me.

I wait ten more minutes after they finish to make sure they're clean and won't be caught in any compromising positions before making to leave. My hand is on the door handle when Harry starts speaking and I remove my hand quickly to listen.

"I can't wait to be intimate with Niall" Harry murmers and the butterflies in my tummy flutter once again. Maybe they do want me.

"Yeah. It'll be good" Louis comments.  
"Think he'll bottom?"  
"Yeah. He's defiantly a bottom" Louis chuckles and I frown. I've always wanted to try topping again. I enjoyed it with Josh, even if we were a bit tipsy.

"I wouldn't mind him topping. If he wanted to" Harry yawns.  
"He can top you then. He isn't topping me" Louis mutters and I feel like I've been stabbed in both the heart and my back.  
"How come?" Harry hums and I can hear the frown in his voice.  
"He's tiny. I'll hardly feel him. Probably won't know what to do either, so I'll have to try and fake it"  
"Louis. That's not nice" Harry says firmly.  
"It's true" he mutters but doesn't say anything further.

I collapse back onto the toilet seat and wait to hear their soft snores before leaving the bathroom. I make my way slowly out of the hotel room and hover in the hallway. Now what Niall? Great plan. Leave. Now what!? We've only booked two rooms. Louis, Harry and me in one. Then Zayn and Liam in the other. I don't want to be in either room right now.

I make my way down the corridor and bump into Jon who notices me crying and asks if I'm okay. I shake my head and break down on his shoulder as he pulls me into a comforting cuddle.

"Come on Ni. Come and stay with us" he soothes and pulls me into the bands shared apartment room.

"Hey guys, look who I bumped into!" Jon cheers as he guides me into the room. All the boys are sat around on the beds drinking beer and they all cheer at the sight of me.  
"Yey! Niallers here" Sandy smiles.  
"Ni-all Ni-all Ni-all" Dan chants.  
"Grab a beer! Tomb Raider is about to start!" Josh smiles and pulls me onto his bed.

Jon hands me a beer. It's easy. Like, being with my best friends and my brothers at the same time. No awkward questions. No snide comments behind my back. No, making me feel not good enough. It's easy.

None of them comment on my tear stained cheeks. I know they've all seen them. But I'm greatful they don't mention it. Or ask what's wrong.

Jon falls asleep first. Closely followed by Dan. Sandy holds out an extra 20 minutes before he joins them in the land of nod. Leaving just me and Josh. He pulls me into his arms for a cuddle.

"I don't know why you're upset babe. You don't have to tell me. But you can. If you want to. Or need to. I'll listen and I won't judge you. I'm here for you Nialler" He hums in my ear.

I don't tell him. But I do snuggle further into him and press a soft kiss to his neck as a thank you. He wraps his arms around me tighter and kisses the side of my head.

Maybe I'm good enough for Josh? Or maybe Liam or Zayn would want me? If I promised not to call red again? We could be sexy again. They enjoyed it before I called red. I didn't so much, but- but they did. They enjoyed it. Maybe it's not about what I want or what I feel or What I need. Maybe I'm just here to make them feel good. Make them excited and happy. Cheer them up when they're down. Maybe I'm simply here to sacrifice my happiness in order to fuel theirs. Is that my purpose?

I just want someone to love me. Is that too much to ask for?

I sigh and let sleep take me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is awesome!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone want to help me edit my Fics!?!
> 
> Also, let me know what you think!!!

Niall pov

I'm back to ignoring Harry and Louis and I'm still ignoring Liam and Zayn. So the week off we have in America is a blast. I say that sarcastically but it is actually fun. I just spend more time with the band than my band. They're always great company. They don't ask questions. They don't make me feel inadequate. They don't make me feel useless or unworthy. They make me feel safe and wanted and carefree. They make me feel like the Niall I once was. Before all of the drama and fall outs. The Niall I used to be.

So I made the decision to look after number one. Ie. Myself. Because everyone else seems to be prioritising themselves. Why shouldn't I? I matter too. I matter.

Which leads me sharing a the apartment with the band. There are 2 beds and 2 sofa beds. Sandy and Dan are on the sofa beds. Jon and Josh are on the actual beds. I've been bunking with Josh for the last week. My stuff is lazily thrown in or on my suitcase next to the bed. There aren't enough draws for us all and Josh offered to move some of his clothes to make room for me but I declined with a lazy arm wave and a "naaah. S'alright Joshy"

 

"Nialler! We're off to Starbucks. Coming with?" Sandy asks as he shakes my shoulder slightly, waking me up from my slumber on Josh's shoulder.

"Nah. Ima stay here. Brin' me 'ot choc'late" I yawn and snuggle back into Josh's chest. He wraps his arm around me tighter and I feel him press his nose into my hair, inhaling deeply before sighing softly.

"Yes Sir" he jokes and I bolt up, staring at him with wide eyes. He freezes then starts laughing, obviously thinking I'm joking. He reaches his arm out to ruffle my hair and I flinch away from him.

"Sir" I mumble.  
"I-it was a joke? Niall?" he says cautiously. I know I'm scaring everyone in the room. I know I'm not making any sense to them. Sandy is staring at me like he's scared for my mental health. Josh is carefully rubbing my back, barely there as not to scare me further. Dan is frozen on his feet near the door. Shoes in hand but afraid to move. Jon leaves the room when he thinks I'm not looking. He mutters something to Dan on the way out and quickly leaves.

I can't help but stare into the air.

My breathing has increased and my heart rate is erratic. I know I'm not breathing properly. I know I'm hyperventilating. I know I'm having a panic attack. I know I'm scaring everyone. But I can't pull myself back from this. My eyes are blurry and my throat is dry like I've got an apple stuck in it. My head is pounding and I feel light headed and dizzy at the same time.

Josh supports me so I'm sat up a bit easier and pushes thw back of my head down gently in between my knees. He cards his fingers through my hair gently and hums lightly to me whilst I try and get my breathing right.

"Baby. Baby come on. Stay with me yeah? You're okay darling. Harry's right here babe" a familiar voice soothes and I piece the voice to the face once he reminds me of his name. He wraps his arms around my shoulder and transfers my face so I'm snuggled into his neck.

"Don' wan' you" I cry into him with no conviction what so ever as I'm holding him as close to me as I physically can.  
"I know babe. I'm sorry we hurt you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry babe" he murmers.

"Go back to Louis" I cry and he just holds me tighter.

I can feel everyone wanting answers. I can feel everyone having 1000 questions racing around their heads. I can feel the questioning eyes and silent eye brow conversations. I can feel their need to understand.

I sigh.

I know they deserve answers. They deserve to be kept in the loop. But I'm scared of what they'll say and how they'll react. How they'll look at me. Once they know.

"Don't worry about them babe. We can discuss this later. Just look after yourself right now" Harry murmers. Why does he know me so well? God it's lovely and frustrating at the same time. But he's right. It's about me now.

Once I get my breathing back to normal I move away from Harry. It's cold and harsh and I know that. But I can't help it. It's all I can do.

I need to protect myself right now and I can't do that if I let him hurt me time and time again and then just keep forgiving him. Same goes for all of them. There's a reason I've lived with the band for the last week. They haven't hurt me. They don't know what's happened but still. If you think about it, that just makes what Harry and Louis have done, worse. The fact Louis and Harry know what Liam and Zayn have done and they still keep hurting me. There's only so much I can take before I snap. 

 

And right now? I fear I'm too close to the line for comfort.

___

Josh makes Harry leave. I tell him to go away and he doesn't listen. So Josh makes him go away for me. Just out of the room- he doesn't kill him off or hurt him- I think. Having said that, Harry has been quiet for a while.

"You wanna talk about it?" Josh hums into my ear. I shake my head.  
"Niall" he sighs. He doesn't finish what he started to say. He doesn't have to. The implication of the sigh is 'tell me'.

"Don't wanna talk about it" I mutter and climb out of bed. He makes a noise in protest and tries to coax me back in for a cuddle but I don't. I throw on some jeans and a jumper then grab my phone and leave.

I'm not sure where I'm going I just know I can't- no I won't- answer questions when I don't want to. I'm sick of people telling me what to do, claiming they're looking out for me. If they're really looking out for me, they would ask me what I want and go from there. Instead of assuming what I want. Or assuming they know what's best for me. They don't. They don't know what's best for me. Because they don't know me. They know the version of me that I show them. The parts of me that I LET them see. 

 

I put my good up, leave the hotel and walk. I have no idea where to. I don't know this part of America. Hell, I don't even know which part of America we're in. I just keep walking and turning the corners when I feel like it until I make it to a bus stop with a rain cover. I sit on the bench and sigh.

I'm greatful I have a pack of smokes in my hoodie pocket with a lighter squat inside. I grab a cigg and press it to my lips before lighting and inhaling.

"That's a bad habbit" a young girl beside me smiles. I can tell she's joking.  
"Yeah. Yeah it is" I breath out a small laugh.

She looks young. I'd say about 16. She's fairly skinny but not dangerously so and pretty short but she's pretty. She has long ginger hair that's a mass of curls and piercing green eyes. But she looks kind.

"Do why do it?" She asks.  
"Dunno. It- calms me down maybe?" I mumble. I've never thought about why I smoke. I just do.  
"There are other calming methods" she frowns. Not like she's judging me, but like she's trying to understand and help me.  
"I'm a lost cause love. Save you're breath" I tell her. I'm hoping it was firmly but kindly.  
"No one's a lost cause. But, if you don't want to talk, we don't have to" she smiles and places her ear buds back in.

We're sat in silence for 5 minutes before I get bored. I tap her on the shoulder and she raises an eye brow at me but removes the ear buds and stops the music on her phone.

"Can I help?" She laughs.  
"What's your name?" I ask her.  
"Octavia" she smiles.  
"That's an unusual name" I hum.  
"Yeah, my dad loves Skoda Octavia's" she jokes but I'm not sure if there's some truth in there.  
"What about you Irish? What's your name?"  
"Irish?" I laugh and she smirks with a blush.

"M Niall"  
"Ahhh. Like the river. Well, a car and a river having a conversation. That's something you don't see everyday" she snorts and it makes me laugh even harder than I already am.

"You don't- you don't recognise me? Do you?" I wheeze through laughter as I try to catch my breath.  
"Nope. Should I?" She giggles as she calms down from her laughing fit.  
"No" I grin.  
"I feel like I should. Are you like- are you in my Uni?" She frowns and I can tell that she's mapping my face to see where she knows me from.  
"Which uni?" I humour her.  
"Open University - studying psychology" she smiles.  
"Nope. Never been to uni. Never even finished high school" I laugh and she does too softly.

"I think I know you but- I can't place it. Ah well, you can't be that important" she jokes and once again we have a laughing fit for no apparent reason.

"Hey, you wanna grab a coffee?" I whisper, afraid she'll say no but hoping she'll say yes.  
"Um- Sure. Let me text my mum. Tell her I'll be a bit late" she hums and does just that And I put my phone on silent. All of the vibrating with the texts from the boys are annoying me.

"Okay" I grin.  
"So Irish-River, what are you doing so far away from home?" She smiles as we head off to the local coffee shop. I let Octavia lead as I have no idea where we're going. 

"Work. Have to travel a lot so, here I am" I say truthfully but don't tell her absolutely everything.  
"And what's your job?" She hums.  
"I'm in the music industry. Like bands and instruments and stuff. What ever they need really"  
"My ex is in the music business. Such a dork. Not you! Him" she mumbles and I laugh again.  
"Might know him, what's he called?" I joke.  
"Josh Devine. He's touring with some band at the moment"

"O-oh really?" I hum, trying to play it cool as if I didn't share a bed with him last night.  
"Yeah. But he's a dick so. Let talk about something more important" she smiles. She smiles a lot I've noticed. It's contagious.  
"Okay. So, how old are you?"  
"18. You?"  
"Yeah same haha" I grin.

We make it to the coffee shop and order a hot chocolate each which I pay for despite Octavia's protests. We find a table near the corner inside.

It's weird because I've know her half an hour but it feels like forever! We talk about everything. How she's studying psychology at the Open University as it provides more flexibility for the rest of her life. She's travelling the world as she goes, working in each place and just seeing where she ends up; but is on a break from travel at the moment as her brother isn't well.

"Yeah, he's not dying or anything. But he was hit by a car and it was hit and miss for ages whether he'd walk again. So I came back to help with his rehabilitation"

"That's very admirable. It's nice you've sort of put your life on hold to help him"

"I don't see it like that. I see it as, I'm post-poning my life to make sure he's okay. He means a lot to me and I love him. It's not a chore looking after him. So I don't mind" she shrugs.  
"I wish my family were the same" I scoff to myself.

"What do you mean?"  
"Oh? Nothing. Forget it" I shrug, not really wanting her to hear me complain about my life.  
"You don't have to talk about it. But you can if you want. I'll listen. I won't tell anyone" she smiles and has a sip of her hot chocolate.

"They- they aren't my proper family. I guess. But they are. Kind of. Um- my band and I were really close- like family and- They hurt me. They keep hurting me and I- I don't know what to do"

"What do you want to do?" She asks simply.

"I want- I want them to stop hurting me. I don't want to leave the band or have all this tension. But I'm sick if caving and letting them hurt me time and time again. Wayne and Ian hurt me and Harry and Douie knew about it and- they helped me at first but then they keep hurting me too." I whisper after taking some time to think about what I actually want. I use code names too. Just in case.

"Have you told them that?" She hums.  
"No. They don't listen to me" I sigh and she bites her lip as I can see the cogs turn in her head.

 

Harry pov

21:16 From: Nialler

Meet me in the hallway.

 

I sigh and roll out of bed with Louis who's apparently got the same text message.

We haven't heard from Niall all day. The band haven't seen him or heard from him. None of us or the crew have seen or been able to get in touch with him. He's literally been a ghost. We even had vans driving around looking for him. But he's safe. That's all I needed.

I arrive in the hallway with Louis and we bump into Liam and Zayn who have also received the same text.  We're all stood, awkwardly waiting for Niall to show up, but ignoring eachother.

"Lads. Thanks f' comin'. In 'ere if you will" Niall eventually calls from  another hotel rooms a little way down the corridor.

 

We enter the room and see it set up like a normal apartment. Few beds freshly made. Small bathroom off to the side. Little passage which I assume leads to another bedroom. Niall leads us over to a square oak table that has 5 chairs around it.

He sits as the head of the table and motions for us to sit. We do. Me next to Niall. I'm opposite Zayn who's next to Liam who's opposite Louis who's next to me.

"What's this about?" Louis frowns.

"Us. All of us. But mostly me. For a change this is about me and what I want. So you're gonna listen" he says firmly. He meets everyone's eyes one by one, waits for the other to back down then moves onto the next person. He ends on me and I look at the table with a sigh.

"I'm taking a break from the band. I've cleared it with Simon. He's agreed to let me have a few months off, for my knee surgery and then a few more months to sort my head out from all of this. He's said it will be about 6 months. We aren't telling anyone. As far as the world knows, we're writing music and recording songs. You guys will still be doing the odd interview individually to keep up pretenses. But I'll only be doing radio ones" he starts off and we're all in shock. We don't want Niall to leave!

"I'm not leaving. It's mostly for my op. But I need a bit of me time too" he sighs when he sees the tears gathering in my eyes.

"Just- if you need anything. During the op- let me know. I'll be at the door- like a flash" I tell him.  
"I know. Thanks Harry" he smiles softly, and for the first time in months, it's reached his eyes.

"If I'm at the door it's because I'm hoping you've come round to us being a band again" Zayn whispers.

"I haven't gone off us being a band. I just need time guys. I love you all and I forgive you all - and. Well- maybe we'll work it out? Who knows. But I've gotta get better. I've gotta get better and maybe we'll work it out" he murmers and I can tell he's put a lot of thought into this.

"You seem to have made up your mind" Liam says quietly.

"I walked the streets all day. Thinking about this. 'Cause you guys- left me. So I went for hot chocolate to just take the pain away and to think. But I have thought about it and- guys I deserve more. I deserve better. You hurt me, fair enough it wasn't intentional for it to go that far- but it did. You haven't even apologised. And then- despite hurting me, knowing you've hurt me and promising not to hurt me again- you keep doing it. I'm the one who keeps suffering. Who keeps getting hurt. It's exhausting. So I need time. To myself. To think and forgive you guys. I'd like to wipe the slate and start again after my op. But if things don't change then I will leave the band for good"

"Thinks will change. I know it's late, but I mean every word- I'm so sorry Niall" zayn murmers and I can see the sincerity in his eyes.

"I'm sorry too- for everything. Especially what I said- i didn't know you heard but that doesn't make it okay. I'm sorry babe" Louis sighs.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you baby" I whimper.

"I'm sorry Nialler. I'm sorry for what we did. For what I did. I'd like to start fresh but- if you need to learn to trust us again- we'll understand" Liam whispers.

"Who knows. Maybe we'll work it out" Niall smiles lightly.

 

_____

6 months later. Mullingar, Ireland  
_____

 

"What are you lot doing here?" Niall laughs as he opens the door to the four of us on his door step.  
"I said I'd be at the door" I grin. He laughs and stands to the side letting us in, using one crutch to aid him from the surgery.

"Well- you know where the kettle is" he grins and plops himself on the couch, master chef running in the background on the TV.

Liam makes us all a brew. Zayn grabs Niall some ice. Louis places his flowers in a vase and grapes on the table.

 

"How's the knee?" I smile and sit next to him.

He lifts his shorts slightly to show me the rest of the scar and I wince. It looks sore.

"It's fine really. Better than it was"  
"And how are we?" I murmer.  
"We're good H. We're all good" he smiles and lays his head on my chest like old times.

Except it's different. The love is there but- not the in love.

"How are you and Louis?" He hums.  
"We're- not together. But we're good. It just wasn't working anymore. I think we work better as friends anyway" I grin.  
"Sure you're good?" He frowns and I nod with a smile.  
"I think he's crushing on Liam anyway" I smirk and nod towards where they're flirting in the kitchen over the cups of tea.

"Do you- i want you to meet someone. All of you that is" he murmers and looks at a the doorway where a young lady wearing ripped jeans, one of Nialls hoodies and green socks.

Niall smiles at her and beckons her in. She smiles softly before coming in the room and sitting next to him.  
"Hey Ni"  
"Hey Tavie"

"Tavie? Is that- what nationality is that?" I frown softly.  
"Oh- I'm English. It's short for Octavia" she giggles.

 

We spend the whole day getting to know Octavia and catching up with her and Niall. We also tell them about our lives over the past 6 months.

 

 

"Are you happy?" I ask Niall once I have him alone in the hallway near the bathroom.  
"Yeah. Yeah I really am" he beams.  
"Good. And, Octavia?"  
"She's perfect Harry. I love her. She makes me happy and she makes me feel safe" he hums.

"Good. That's good" I smile softly.

 

 

It feels normal.

Almost normal anyway.

 

We don't talk about it  
It's something we don't do  
Cause once you go without it  
Nothing else will do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINISHED!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Opinions so far!?!


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